19. Working Sunday

This is becoming a Sunday posting blog. But I have missed that too on this Sunday. It was one more working Sunday. I am happy that this was the last one in 2008. When most of the world is getting ready for New Year, we were working. I was not alone, of course. There were 50 colleagues working with me, and I am sure, there were many more working at other places. We were in a tiny town, for a workshop on ‘Strengthening People’s Organizations’.

I do not belong to this particular project team; I was there just in case I was needed. That is my usual role…not to belong, but be there. Be at the background, help others when required and disappear when people don’t need. This is bit stressful, because I love to belong, and unfortunately I never could belong to this workplace. In the process I have learnt the art of giving 100% without getting involved…. sounds like Zen…..sounds too much of self-eulogizing …. I understand. What I am trying to say is one can mould oneself without compromising with the inner core, without loosing dignity. I need to say this with more humility…. I will try next time.

I think each one of us has this sense of – ‘when we are wanted and when we are not’. Each such ‘disappearance’ act motivates me to carve out a new world for me. I am not frightened about lost opportunities, because I know I can always create new avenues for myself. That has brought out a great variety and diversity in my work. I was at that particular place for the particular task(s), because in a way I have created this opportunity.

I facilitated number of sessions in the three day workshop. We had a four hour session on ‘Gender sensitization’. Such sessions are provocative for participants and tiring for me. Such sessions drain me, because in spite of lot of efforts, every time I have to start from zero. People resist changing, and I resist stagnating. So, the battle is on ….a lost battle. It is not lonely only at the top; it can be lonely if one’s ideas, dreams and actions are not conventional.

Why do I spend Sundays in lost battle is a question I need to deal with. And there are many more sub-questions. But at the moment, I am tired. I have just returned from journey and need to check my messages and need to prepare for the next workshop.

With all this, it is good to be working for a cause, for a dream, for a change. What if this Sunday was spent in working? I am free to turn any other day into a Sunday. The older I grow, better I understand that LIFE is less about FACTS and more about PERCEPTIONS….