168. Trigger

Life has been too busy lately.

By ‘lately’ I mean for many years now.

Every morning I wake up with the thoughts and ideas of the work I have to carry on that day.

Every night I sleep with the experiences of the day and the life that I have planned for tomorrow.

This assumption that ‘I will wake up tomorrow and will be breathing and living after (say) 24 hours’  always amuses me.

However, I have spent most of my life with that assumption – taking life granted is integral part of me.

Sometimes I realize that this assumption has become a trap – assume, run, assume, run and assume again to run further and to assume again.  Not exactly never ending chain; it has an end but when that end would happen is completely unknown to me.

What will happen if I stop assuming about life?

Well, with all imagination – I can’t experience my death. After seeing so many dead bodies and experiencing loss of many friends, I know death in a way is very normal – it is pretty routine happening; innumerable people die every moment.  Nothing very significant is going to happen to me or to others after I die.  As I assume life, I assume death too. I see and experience death around. I technically know that I am not going to be here forever. But this thinking is all on ‘intellectual’ level; it no doubt creates wisdom and understanding – but it is still not an experience. It never will be – I fear sometimes.

Maybe if I stop running, would I find another aspect of this complicated truth?

I tried.

I stopped running for a while.

And I realized that desire, want, aspiration – none of them is the real trigger. It is not because of all this I live. It is actually the other way round. It is because of life desires happen. It is because of life, wants occur. It is because of life aspiration arises. It is because of life, I dream and breathe and run and think.  

Life is the real trigger and everything else is secondary.

The uncertainty of this trigger called life is the real pleasure. Nothing else really matters now as I have experienced this truth.