Evening at Zambezi River, Victoria Falls, Zimbabwe, May 2015
and so does everything around... the situation, the people, the perspective, the needs.... and we too change.... the wise and courageous seek change.. because only change is constant!

Monday, October 3, 2011

145. Lost Privilege

I could not help in comparing ‘Now and Then’ – a kind of time-frame analysis. That is because I had reached this particular place almost at the same time I had reached years ago.

On material plane, I was as hungry and as tired as I was then.

However it was not exact ‘replay’ of what happened earlier. Certainly, things have changed a lot.
First and foremost, then I was young, now I am old.

Then I did not know where I was reaching, I did not know anyone here, I did not know what to expect and I had nothing to fall back. I was full of uncertainty.

Now I know where I am going, I know people and places here, I know what to expect – rather I have choices about what to do and what to avoid and I have a return ticket back  home. I don’t take anything for granted even now (like returning, having a home), but I am certain that I will always find out a way.

Then I was full of doubts, now I am peaceful.

Then I would try to convince people, now I let it go – until they are happy without exploiting others. I don’t try to convert anybody and I am patient enough to listen when somebody tries to ‘convert’ me.
Then I was as if person A; now I am as if person B – there is continuity but also a lot of change.

After reaching years ago, I was offered tea and Parle G biscuits. Today I consume a cup of coffee and as Parle G is not available, I have Britannia 50:50 – that is amazing link with the past within the range of changes.

I move around to my favorite spots and find out the serenity of the place is lost due to typical ‘loud’ behavior of the tourists. I suddenly realize that even then it would have been there – I do notice it now because I have lost some privileges in the process. With that acknowledgement of loss, peace is regained.

One of the old men invites me for lunch. I say yes but I do not go, not even on the second day. I do not feel like going.

“Do you feel shy? Do you feel guilty?” he asks later in the evening.

I am surprised by the question. Why should I feel guilty? Why should I feel shy? I am only trying to keep away myself from irritation- irritation at the way people talk, people assume, people think and people advice.

Then I would have told him the plain truth. Now, I smile. I say, “No, I forgot. Next time I will certainly join you for lunch. ”

“Come back here” someone says.

“Sure, whenever opportunity is there I would certainly make the best of it.” I answer. My goodness, what bookish language I am speaking.

“Come here forever,” he adds hurriedly, “when you have done your work and when you feel lonely.”

I am aghast at the suggestion. These people sitting on self made thrones treat other people with so much of hypocritical compassion. They think there is only one way – theirs!

Like old days, a strong reply comes to me. But I keep quiet. That does not mean I accept what he says, but there is no need to tell him that I disagree. He is happy to have me here listening, so let me listen.

“You know, you are a privileged child; that is why you came here in the first place” another one says.

I completely agree with this sentiment. I have always felt that coming to this place was a turning point, years of privilege shaped me in different way – I am thankful to all those moments, all those people and all those memories.

However, giving up that privilege was my conscious choice. I am glad that I came here and I am glad that I left this place. There was pain while leaving, but now I have overcome the pain. If I had stayed here this long, I might have become a person whom I would have not liked much. That would have been the price greater than the pain and sorrow I went through.

Now I feel free of burden of expectations, of traditions, of norms, of what not – laid down by others. It created horrible bondage for me – worst than the bondage life had caught me in initially.

Every time I re-visit the place, I realize that: What I gave up was worth giving up!  I acknowledge that it is one of the greatest places to be at least once in life ……still, after certain time it became worth leaving.

Every time I re-visit the place, I realize that: What I have left back has nothing to contribute in my life!
Every time I re-visit the place, I realize that: What is past should remain as past; never try to turn it into present or future.

Some privileges are better lost. 


  1. I wrote a similar post recently..called Tea Then, Coffee Now!

    And guess what, they have Parle-G in London even now:D I eat Parle-G :P

    Chintu Singh

  2. अळीने फुलपाखरू कधी बनायचं
    ते अळीच्या हातात नसतं,
    फुलपाखराच्या बागडण्यात
    अळीच्या संथ चालीचा लवलेश ही नसतो ....
    पाना फुलात कसं वावरायचं ,
    इतर फुलपाखरांशी कसं वागायचं ,
    फुलाला न दुखावता
    मध प्यायल्यासारख कधीतरी दाखवायचं ,
    तोडलेल्या फुलाबरोबर
    एखादी अळी खाली गळून पडली ,
    तर भूतकाळ मागे सारून
    पुढे कसं सरकायचं,
    हेच आपण शिकत राहायचं असतं..........

  3. well said, some privileges are better lost!

  4. Chintanjee, welcome to Times Change. I guess, with everyone 'Now and Then' happens! Parle G in London? Well, I love Parle G!! Will read your post too.

  5. Deepakbhai, becoming wiser is such a rare phenomenon, that I enjoy it!!

  6. Surangatai, you are developing a new art of poetry writing :-)

  7. Preeti, only that it takes courage to give up such privileges!!

  8. Wonderful post. Change is contant.

  9. Thanks Rajeshjee, and yes, only change seems to be constant!

  10. Beautiful, nostalgic, now and then post..And don't we all hope that we've changed for the better :)

  11. Purba, that we feel we have changed for better shows how optimist we are :-)

  12. Well-written post.Thanks for ur recent support.Following U.

  13. Thanks and Welcome MyKitchen Flavors-BonAppetit!
    BTW, do you have a short name? :-)


Thanks for your Feedback.