28. Hide and Seek

In my childhood days, ‘Parle G’ was the only biscuit available. It was very scarce and so was always desired.

When I grew a bit (yes, I keep on growing), ‘Parle G’ was still with me. During student life I could afford it simply because it was very cheap – one and half rupee cost of one packet – which contained 14 biscuits. I had number of breakfasts, lunches and dinners with just this biscuit and tea. One of my childhood dreams was to have a full pack of ‘Parle G’ biscuits; all for myself. Later in life, I have ample money, but during many travels I can’t eat junk food, oily food, dirty food, spicy food, hot food……. and so I still continue with ‘Parle G’ and tea. It is my all time favorite meal.

I like chocolates too. So, when chocolate biscuits arrived on the scene, I happily consumed them. ‘Hide and Seek’ was one of the best I ever liked. The chocolate in these biscuits is consistent and is well mixed. It was a blessing … because by this time I had realized that I did not always like tea. If you have ever tested railway tea, you would naturally give up tea very easily. In a way, you are forced to give up tea. Samnyasa is not very difficult in this world … it is easier to leave many things rather than living with them. So, life went on without tea and with sufficient ‘Hide and Seek’ in the travel bag.

But something has gone wrong over last few months. I don’t remember when and why I stopped purchasing biscuits (for no apparent reason). No, I am not health maniac; I am not bothered about calories. Gaining and loosing weight happens naturally, I do not waste conscious life into it.

This has created a big problem for me; as during travels I do not understand what to eat. I keep on postponing decision about eating and end up in unplanned (and irreligious) fasts. I purposely purchased one ‘Hide and Seek’ pack about three months ago, but I have not opened it till today.

Whether my mind is rejecting biscuits or my body – I cannot definitely tell. Is the law of diminishing returns working now? Have I over- consumed, so that there is nausea? Is this one more state of ‘na iti, na iti’ (not this, not this) but not clearly understanding what it is that I want? Is there some other confusion at subconscious level and not wanting ‘Hide and Seek’ is just an outward expression? What is the barrier? What do I need to break? What do I need to overcome?

The World seeks nothing. The World hides nothing.
It is only that I do not know what I seek and what I hide.