37. STUPID, HYPOCRITE

Don’t worry; I am just trying to describe myself.
Actually I am bit ashamed to share this experience with you. To share guilt and failure is inevitable when one is blogging reflectively.

Indian Democracy is creative. With all its limitations, democracy is indeed a fun. Politicians can fool the public and the public appearing very naïve certainly has the capacity to fool the politicians. But still this is the best option.

On 23rd April Pune voted for Parliamentary elections. I tried to find out ‘online’ my name in the voting list, but every time the concerned site gave me ‘unsafe site’ alert, and I did not probe further. Couple of friends gave me some other site options; someone gave SMS service and all that. But even when the date of voting arrived, I was not sure whether I would be able to vote or not.

I do not have television at home. For the last five years, I have stopped reading newspapers regularly. I neither watched nor read anything about the 26/11 terrorist attack on Mumbai, I neither watched nor read about Obama’s coming to office It saves lot of time, anxiety and irritation. My source of news is the group of people with whom I interact. Sometimes I know them very well and sometimes they are total strangers. By discussing various issues with them, I not only get news but get insights into public pulse. A sort of multi-filtered news. It has many advantages. And there is much more beyond what media captures.

I have realized, when people meet, they mostly talk about happenings in the External World, mostly Politics, Cricket, Bollywood, Corruption… We are too scared to talk about our emotions, feelings, ideas, thoughts….is this impact of globalization?

Obviously I did not know much about the candidates contesting in my constituency. But I was aware of certain facts: a) One candidate has kept on shifting his loyalties (party) b) There was hardly any difference in the election manifestos. c) A new party was making inroads in the city especially with youngsters. d) Caste equations were interesting. e) One independent candidate was good, but how many votes he could pull?

Voting always presents a dilemma for me. In the first place local and national issues are connected but the link is week. Secondly, you can’t vote for ‘a good person’ because the parliament functions with party strategies, individuals do not influence parliamentary function. And most of the parties have the same strategies when they come to power. Power makes all of them ugly. Third, the option of negative voting is not practical. I mean only 40% of voters turned for voting in Pune, what would happen if there is a next round of election for the same purpose?

Interestingly, there was no home-visit by political parties, no handbill, no corner meeting. Everything was peaceful around me. I was weighing the options (whom to vote) without reaching to any decision.

On the voting day, I went to the polling booth. Searching name in the list was a big task. People sitting at the help desk were hardly able to help. There were number of lists. My neighbor’s name was in a particular section, but my name was not there. He advised me to search in another section. Couple of guys (party cadre) had the laptops with them, on which through online search they were helping people. They searched my name and gave me section number and serial number.

I had some informal discussion with the police at the booth, when I was waiting in the line. Completing the routine things – identity validation, signature, blue mark… I approached the electronic voting machine! And wow, I was completely taken aback by the list of candidates. The names were totally different (than what I expected). I was confused. Have I come to the wrong place? But the officer would not have allowed me, if I was in a wrong place.

Then I realized that though I am staying in Pune city, I was supposed to vote for Baramati constituency. When and why this change had happened, I was completely unaware of. I did not know the names of the candidates, some of the election symbols were completely new to me…. I could not interpret who’s who on that list. I was just lost, completely confused…. But then had to vote, and so I voted.

What a height of stupidity and hypocrisy!

Next time, I will see to it that I am more informed, and my decision is not instinctive but based on rationality. For sure, when I visit field areas next and talk to villagers about benefits of actively participating in Panchayat Raj …. I will know that there is no greater hypocrite than me.

The avenues for participation in decision making are very subtle. I do not have to look for ‘big occasions’ but make best of all ‘small occasions’ and the continued enriched process will bring the desired change at the higher level. So, I have to change my thinking process, behavior and become a better citizen

36. Cog in a Machine!

I cannot claim to ‘feel’ like a ‘cog in a machine’.
Even by using my wildest imagination, I cannot think that a cog can feel….. I confess that. I am a victim of human arrogance.

Have you ever felt that something is going around you (not necessarily at your back) and you cannot understand its meaning and hence feel either lost or foolish?

Have you ever come across threads and with your Sherlock Holmes type of enthusiasm still been beaten like Dr. Watson?

Have you some or the other time lost the road in a big, crowded, unknown city and panicked?

Have you ever missed a train after reaching station, in a city where you do not have a place to stay and do not know a single person?

Have you experienced a kind of emptiness when you understand that the trust you have put in someone is violated?

Have you felt that people used you for all your goodness and threw you in a dustbin once the task was over? And they come up to you again with all hypocrisy because there is another task that only you will do better, and they forget the wrong they have done to you…

Have you wanted to speak but could never reach to?

Have you faced sudden closure of a till then smooth road? Dead end, with a devil behind you?

Have you grappled with unknown, without any hints, without any idea?

I believe we all have such kind of experiences. The Astrology columns thrive on the human psychology of ‘feeling like a wronged person’. Almost all of you would say ‘yes’ to these questions and you might have recalled the painful moments …. Sorry for that.

I mean all these situations show that life is just normal. These things happen to us and to others, to everyone. Sometimes we are at the ‘receiving’ end and feel all the pain, but sometime we ‘give’ and take pride in that, forgetting how it hurts.

With all such ups and downs in life, I had never felt like a ‘cog in a machine’. I have always been lucky enough to find intrinsic value, joy, satisfaction, fun in whatever I am doing. Even the challenges were charming. Whenever I felt suffocated, I had been courageous enough to change track of life, without feeling guilty, without blaming anyone. I have always taken responsibility of my choices, my actions and its consequences.

But presently I am feeling like a ‘cog in a machine’. I am just one of the many faceless entities, which could be easily replaced, without anyone else ever missing it. The meaninglessness is frightening. I am trapped in a system which has reservations regarding freedom and apathy to sense of fulfillment. I have nobody but myself to blame for taking on series of ‘piecemeal’ works and loosing the broad picture, the goal, the vision and the relentless passion.

I can still decide not to be a cog….and of course not to be a machine! Bigger is not necessarily better. What I feel about myself is important and not how others measure me….

Looking at the positive side of this situation, I know what is wrong, and I know how to make it good. If there is still this little touch of creativity in me, that means after all I am not a cog in a machine! That means nothing is lost.

Hmm… Not bad….

35. About Turn

I was to attend a lecture of Swami Rangnathananda, at Kanyakumari. He was probably then the President of Ramakrishna Mission, I am not sure. He was a very famous scholar and authority on Indian Religion and Spirituality. Even then I was not much of 'Atman-Brahman' – listener. By that time I had closely seen enough saffron clothed guys, watched them with objectivity and came to conclusion that I was not interested in listening to them. I had realized that I loved rain, I loved literature, I liked people, I loved sea, I loved trees, I loved sky, I loved India, and I love almost everything around me. I knew I will never be able to withdraw from this world in its real sense.

I easily get bored of mechanical things, hypocrisy and show of authority. I do not keep quiet if someone tries to threaten me with any kind of power – may be money, may be designation, may be education, whatever. I do not fight and I do not surrender. It is the art of fighting without fighting. So in every phase of my life, people have accused me of 'not respecting the system'. I have always wondered how people can live with various rotten systems and never ask 'why' or 'why not'? I am not against systems, but when you know the system is not working, you don't need much courage or wisdom to change it, if you are open to suggestions. May be every system gives power to few, and those few want to exercise their power in the name of system. People generally are not ready to exercise naked power – they cloth it with systems, culture and traditions.

Given a choice, I would have dropped out of Swami Ranganathananda's lecture. But attendance to this program was mandatory. So with couple of friends I sat in the last row… with the idea of chatting, cutting jokes, laughing – a usual back bencher business. The Swami came. Everybody rose and welcomed him. He asked people to sit. Before the program was to start, he looked at the crowd. Then before anybody realized what was happening, he just asked the audience to turn around. So, those of us who were leisurely sitting in the last row, found ourselves in the first row. We could not play any mischief. The Swami delivered his lecture – he was a very good orator.

I don't remember what the Swami said. I never had any communication with him again – I regret it now. On that day I admired (and I still admire) Rangnathananda for understanding my mind and treating me with dignity. If he wanted, he could have just ridiculed us – he was famous, he had the authority and we were just non-entities. But he involved me in the proceedings without insulting or offending me. He took care to respect my dignity. He challenged me, but at the same time he took a challenge to present a superior example to me. He did not allow me to feel inferior – I smiled at the failure of our plan and listened to him without grudge. He knew how to motivate reluctant people without threatening them, a very important trait of great leadership. He was the kind of person who used his power with humility, again a great leadership style. He did not give me lecture on 'importance of following system'; he was flexible enough to change the system to accommodate people like me.

Don't know why I suddenly remembered this experience after about 25 years! May be, I am facing a wall; I do not want to hurt myself (again) by trying to cross (leave aside breaking it!) the wall. May be, what I need is just to 'about turn', and there will be new life, and even new me. On that day Swami Ranganathanada unintentionally taught me that even if you 'about turn', if your self esteem is intact, you loose nothing in life, on the contrary you reach new depths.

34. Nonplused!

One routine evening, in the crowded street of the city. I was traveling back home with couple of colleagues after a hectic day. On the way, we were to drop one of the guests. He had to catch flight to Paris from Mumbai. We were to drop him at the private taxi service, which was to take him to International Airport in Mumbai.

After bit confusion about the exact location and finding out way from 'no entry' 'u turn' 'no parking' etc. we reached the spot. We were before time, so bit relaxed. After completing the formalities – registering with the office of the travel company, taking receipt, putting the baggage in the taxi….. I was having some informal chat with the guest. He was an expert in 'Animal breeding', but as I am not livestock expert the talk turned to summer in France, effects of Global Warming and all that.

Suddenly a woman of about 35 appeared on the scene. She was about five feet tall, brownish exhausted face and little anemic. Her eyes were bright and she was wearing a clean green sari with white design, with the pallu covering her head. The guest, a tall man with smiling and calm face took out a ten rupee note from his valet and gave it to the lady. I was bit embarrassed. Not that I do not come across beggars, but at this moment I did not like it.
I smiled at the woman and said in a mild tone, "You should not beg for money."
She was all smiles with the reward and told me into a confidential tone, "All foreigners are good hearted people. They give us a good amount. Sometimes they even give us fifty rupees. They are very good."

I told, "But he is our guest. I understand that you are poor, but why ask to outsiders? He may go with the impressions that Indian people are beggars."

The woman was hardly listening to me. She asked, "Is he your employee'?
"No" I told, a bit surprised at her statement.
"Then are you his employee?" was her next question.
"No, no, he is our guest." I explained. There was no need to have such detailed conversation with her. But I always like to converse with strangers.

"Is his county very rich? Does he have a bungalow? Does he own a car? Does his house have a garden? Has he a big Television in his house?"….the lady was not at all willing to stop. I was surprised at her curiosity. She was asking all these questions not for gaining more money from him, but she was just interested in that unknown guest. I thought that in the name of social science and development research, if we can take interest in other's lives, why can't this lady?

I was smiling at myself. But honestly I could answer none of her questions. To safely come out of the situation without hurting her, I said, "Ok, now he has to go."

"Which country he is from?" the woman had lot of patience.
(I am sure, if the lady could write a blog, she would write how foolish and useless I was….May be, she has already narrated this incident to her friends and family.)
"France", I told.
"How far is it?" she again asked.
"Very far away." I said.
"But exactly where"? The woman might become a good police, I thought.
"Near England" I must have been in my elements to give such a foolish answer. Because her next question was, "Where is England?"
"Oh, it is very far away." I tried to explain.
"Why don't you tell me how far his home is?" the lady was getting angry at me.

I explained, "Now he will go to Mumbai, catch a flight and after eight nine hours will reach home"

"Oh! Just eight hours….. and you are telling me he stays far away" the woman dismissed me. "I have to travel for 15-16 hours to reach my home, he will travel less and you are telling me that he is coming from far away land"

The lady was genuinely disappointed with the information and I was completely nonplused by the turn of our conversation.

33. Care Taker

Wish I had video clips to share with you, but nevertheless, I remember the small (and big) incident fully.

On Saturday, I was in a small village. It was only 11.00 in the morning, but the Sun was blazing merrily. The volunteers who had come to receive me had some work in the school office. So, I was just waiting aimlessly in the car, in the school campus

The school building on the left hand side was gorgeous. A huge playground increased the beauty of the building. Many boys and girls were moving around all over the playground. They were all going home. Suddenly a pair of kids, just passing by the car, attracted my attention.

The sister was about seven year’s age. She was wearing white blouse and sky blue skirt. Her short hair was tied in a pony tail. She had a rack sack on her back. Her left shoulder was carrying one more school bag – that was probably of her younger brother aged four to five. On her right shoulder she was carrying something wrapped in a piece of cloth, it looked heavy. The bro was all smiles. His sky blue shirt was bit torn. With his curly hair on the forehead, he had naughty plans written in his eyes. The sister was obviously given the responsibility to bring her young brother safely home. She was the care taker for the time being.

The young bro had different view of the situation. He was looking at the occasion as a complete freedom to do whatever he wanted. He knew that the sis had limited power and he could stretch the limits. The sis was calling him and asking him to catch hold of her finger, which she had stretched forward. The boy was running. He was teasing her and challenging her to catch him. He was young, motivated and was burden-less. Naturally he could run fast. The sister was running behind him. To increase his hopes, he was stopping after a distance and waiting the sister to cover the distance. The sister with increased hopes, made a dash. But as she came within a catch-able distance, he again ran. He also laughed loudly and teased his sister.

It happened once, twice, thrice. Every time the little sister ran with hope and every time she failed to catch the bro. Fourth time, she lost her heart. The moment the bro ran away from her, she sat down. Her belongings were thrown on the ground. A water bottle dropped from the bag. She started weeping. Her whole body was trembling. She was frustrated, defeated, lost. Her shoulders were dropped; she buried her face between the shoulders, knees and chest. She was completely helpless.

I was in two minds – whether to help or not. But I was aware that being a total stranger, my intervention would scare both the kids. I decided to wait for couple of minutes more. Someone who knows the kids would definitely come forward and help them.

The boy stopped at a safe distance, turned back and yelled, ‘catch me if you can’. He was ready to laugh loudly, but he noticed that his sister was missing from the level of his eyesight. Then he saw her sitting and weeping. For a moment he was perplexed. He looked around, with what intentions I cannot imagine. His eyes bulged. He was silent for a moment.

Then he ran faster; this time not away from his sister but towards his sister. He approached her silently. She did not notice him even when he came near. The little boy hugged her from behind, kissed her left cheek, patted her and pulled her face upwards. He wiped the rolling tears of the sister. Now the sister was surprised, but she still could not trust her bro. She thought it was one of his tricks. She continued weeping. The boy gathered the things that were fallen around, he made his sister drink little water. The sister started smiling. He made her stand and then stretched his little hand forward so that the sister can hold it.

They walked towards the other end of the playground. Both of them were smiling, chatting, both were happy. The role of care taker was completely reversed now.

If they can take freedom of playing, teasing, challenging, troubling each other…. and then come back and support, help, motivate, love each other..... they can face any difficulty that life might bring to them.

Use of CFL

The February-March Poll Question Was:
Do you use Compact Fluorescent Lamps (CFL) at your residence?
27 visitors answered the poll.
3 visitors (11%) are using 100% CFL at home , congratulations.
9 visitors (33%) are using CFL partially, good beginning.
10 visitors (37%) are not at all using CFL, please re-think.
5 visitors (18%) are 'planning to use', hope the plan is implemented in the near future.
Request all the visitors to answer poll questions... I am putting only one poll per month.

32. blink

I am not able to tell you how I rate this book and I am not sure whether I recommend it. :) I have taken an incredibly long time to finish just 254 pages. This clearly indicates that I did not “love” this book. But I did not give up in between … that means it was ok.

It is a story of ups and downs. If you are talking in terms of IBC (Introduction, Body and Closure) I would say it began well, in the middle was ok and the closure was disappointing.

Some books are badly written; some books are well written; and some books are cleverly written. I could not help feeling that ‘Blink’ by Malcolm Gladwell is cleverly written. May be, Malcolm’s journalistic background has taught him to write cleverly.

What if somebody starts you telling human interest stories – about how someone used ‘thin slicing’ to arrive at a right decision when a team of scientists with all their logical thinking was proven wrong? Naturally you would be interested… Deep inside, we all hate logic because we are bound by it in routine life. So, the defeat of logic, the defeat of formulas, and the defeat of well set mechanisms pleases us.

To his credit, Malcolm Gladwell makes use of human psychology very effectively. First he tells us the grand success of ‘thin slicing’ – which we normally call ‘first impression’ and later moves on to tell us how it does not work in all situations. (Clever balancing act!) He writes about Warren Harding – the worst USA President – (I believe Gladwell will have to change this after the Bush regime…) and informs us how ‘snap judgment’ can run into a disaster.

Gladwell is a good story teller. He narrates various experiments which study human behavior – human relationships, human biases, human inclinations … which we are not consciously aware of. Gladwell talks about ‘priming for action’ – how our subconscious takes suggestions and our decisions are based on those involuntary suggestions. We all are driven by gender, racial, class, caste,… many biases, though we are hardly aware of those.

Gladwell talks about getting ‘below the surface’, ‘behind the locked door’ – the processes triggering snap decisions – and assures us that we can change our perspective by changing our experiences. Here Gladwell is motivating.

John Gottman’s invites couples in his “Love Lab” to discuss some topics for few minute and almost accurately predicts whether this couple will be divorced or not after 15 years. Samuel Gosling conducted an experiment where he judged people’s personalities through visit to their bedroom by strangers. Bob Golomb is very successful car salesman because he has trained himself not to be driven by biases. Van Riper surprised American militaries while playing a rogue in computerized Millennium Challenge game (mock war on computers – based on which USA decides war strategies).

You name an area, and a related story is there in the book. Psychology, Sports, Music, War, Food, Beverage, Advertising, Films, Crime, even Politics … every type of example is nicely packed together.

Gladwell elaborates what happens when market research overtakes instincts. There is a story of a singer Kenna, whom market is not accepting though all those who have ‘ear’ for music ‘instantly’ like him. There is also story of ‘Pepsi challenge’ to Cola, which Cola mis-interpreted. For me the most exciting story is of Tomkins, who could “read” faces correctly: and how Emkins and his team worked hard to come out with thousand of configurations of face muscles – which can lead to ‘read mind’ rightly.

But at the end, I asked myself, ‘Hey, what is this guy trying to tell me?” Honestly, I was left clueless. First he tells positive side of ‘thin slicing’, then he explains ‘how it does not work’, then he moves on to elaborate how it is difficult to explain the instinct (market research goes wrong here), how blind tests have both the aspects, how disaster happens …. I mean it was interesting and all that…. but why take a position of a scientist when you are entertaining (and the other way round)? Why make a mystery of a common power which everybody has at some or the other time in life (but not always)? Why make a theory of a power, which one cannot explain logically?

Oops….. I need to blink!