240: An Experiment in 2024

(ही पोस्ट मराठीत इथं वाचता येईल.)

Questions like "Who is your favorite teacher?" or "Who is your favorite author?" often seem amusing (and sometimes even pointless) to me. The reason is simple—there is rarely a single person who stands out so distinctly that no one else comes close. We can admire multiple teachers and/or authors simultaneously, each for different reasons. Our memories of people and experiences are shaped by various contexts, and predicting which memory will surface at a given time is impossible.

Someone recently asked me, "What was your happiest moment in 2024?" and I found myself utterly confused. Several things came to mind, but ranking them seemed impossible. How do I compare the joy of unexpectedly spotting a beautiful bird with the happiness of mastering a new skill? Do I even need to rank them? Must one experience be considered superior while the rest become insignificant? Of course, I didn’t express all these thoughts to the person who asked. Instead, I gave a quick, generic response and moved on.

A Yearlong Experiment

Later, when my work was done, I opened a small box from my cupboard.

No, not to eat Shrewsbury biscuits (those were long gone!) This box contained notes from an experiment I had been conducting throughout the year. It was time to examine them carefully.

At the beginning of 2024, I came across a Facebook post suggesting an interesting activity: Every week, write down a positive event from that week on a piece of paper, store it in a jar, and at the end of the year, revisit all those moments to reflect on the good things that happened.

I was curious about the experiment. I decided to try it, with a few modifications. Instead of a jar, I used a box. The idea of simply noting a "positive event" felt too vague, so I redefined it: "What made me feel happy or content this week?" This is what I recorded every Sunday evening. A reminder on my phone helped me stay consistent with this Weekly Positive Note practice.

Of course, I didn’t always manage to write the note on Sunday itself. Sometimes, I would delay it by two or three days. When I finally opened the box at the end of the year, I found 51 notes out of 52 weeks—one week must have been missed, or perhaps a note had slipped outside the box into my cupboard.

What Did These Notes Reveal?

There was nothing grand or extraordinary in these notes—just small moments, everyday experiences that might have otherwise been forgotten. If I had tried to recall my happiest moments of the year without these notes, I would have remembered only two or three. But here, I had written proof that I had experienced joy 47–48 more times! And this was just what I had consciously recorded—surely, I had felt happiness even more frequently than that.

So what were these happy moments?

• Meeting people and sharing their joy.
• Unexpectedly spotting a beautiful bird.
• Enjoying the rain.
• Taking a peaceful Sunday morning walk on empty roads.
• Visiting parts of the city (like Kondhwa and Ramwadi) for the first time.
• Noticing magnificent trees while riding the metro.
• Buying books.
• Reaching my goal of reading a certain number of books in the year.
• Writing something meaningful.

Even work-related joys made it into my notes. I have always chosen work that makes me happy, but looking back, I realized that even the small details of the work gave me joy.

• Successfully holding an engaging discussion with rural communities on LGBTQ+ topics made me feel accomplished.
• Completing a training manual was a moment of satisfaction.
• Seeing participants in a workshop actively engage in meaningful discussions brought a sense of fulfillment.
• Learning a new language and watching a film in that language with minimal reliance on subtitles was an unexpected delight.

There were new experiences too—visiting the Pune Meteorological Observatory for the first time, attending a workshop on Constitution of India, and listening to instrumental music at Yashada. Even something as simple as eating a pancake after many years found its place in my happiness list! 😊

Healing and Gratitude

2024 also brought an accident, followed by a necessary surgery. Naturally, a significant portion of my recorded happiness revolved around medical progress—

• The ability to sit up on my own.
• Regaining movement in my arm.
• Being able to eat with my right hand again.
• Returning to typing on my laptop.

For nearly three to four months, my notes were filled with milestones in my recovery.

Some entries expressed gratitude—for people, for life itself. Even letting go of certain things effortlessly brought its own kind of happiness.

What Did This Exercise Teach Me?

Happiness and contentment aren’t found only in big achievements or major events—something I already knew in theory, had read about, and even experienced before. But going through this year-long process reinforced that understanding.

Of course, my year wasn’t without struggles. There were challenges, pain, and difficult moments, as expected in life. But now, looking at these notes, I find myself smiling again.

In the final balance, these small joys were what remained and truly mattered.

I am sure such positive moments have always existed in my life, but I had never made a conscious effort to observe and appreciate them before. If I pay even closer attention, I know I will find even more layers of joy in everyday life.

So, I think I’ll continue this experiment in 2025 as well! 😊

231. #PledgeForParity

Tomorrow is 8 March. Tomorrow is ‘International Women’s Day’. Tomorrow is a day of exchanging best wishes. Tomorrow will be presented women’s problems with statistics and concerns will be expressed. Tomorrow there will be speeches, articles and sighs. Tomorrow people will be hopeful after coming across examples of women’s success. Tomorrow Radio, Newspapers and Television channels will salute Women and many will express Gratitude. The Market will shout about ‘Discounts to Women’. Tomorrow women will wear their best dresses and lunch together. Tomorrow will be a day of smiles and despair.

Whatever is the experience, for many people it last for at most 17-18 hours. On 9 March, everything generally falls back to normalcy. People, especially men joke about ‘how there is a need for men’s day’ or ‘how women are getting all the favors in this world’. Many times I feel that such opinions are expressed because people are not aware of the history of why and how ‘Women’s Day’ came into existence.

Before moving further, I would like to emphasize two points. One, I do not believe that only women have problems in this world and all men are happy. No one with common sense would make such a sweeping statement. Men too face problems, they too struggle, they too have responsibilities and men too are unhappy. However, when we think about women-men relationships, we realize that men have an upper hand. When I say women-men relationship, it is not about husband-wife relationship (as most of us in India spontaneously think) but son-mother, brother-sister, father-daughter, colleagues … all such relationships show that men get better treatment, men get favor. Women favor their sons over their daughters; because women are born and brought up into a system which favors men. It is an invariable impact of the social structure and the upbringing.  I am not going to discuss ‘Patriarchy’ in details. However, we need to understand that Women’s Movement is not challenging individual men but Patriarchy. Patriarchy means secondary status of women, the existing men-women hierarchy, the stereotypes regarding roles and responsibilities of women and men.

Secondly, one has to accept that not all men are insensitive because they are men and not all women are sensitive to other women just because they are women. There are sensitive men and insensitive men. All the men in the world do not behave badly with every woman they come across. Similarly, there are sensitive women and there are insensitive women. Transformation is expected in both men and women. So, Women’s Movement works not only with women but also with men. For many years we have been taught to treat women as secondary. So it becomes our habit to treat women as if they are inferior to men. It has not happened and it is not happening only in India, but it is a    world-wide phenomenon. There was a time when some believed ‘women to be a separate Class’ and expected them to revolt against another class called ‘men’. But, women’s identity has many aspects (common with men) – such as Religion, Ethnicity, Province, Language, Caste etc. All these factors influence men’s and women’s identities. At the same time women have to carry the burden of being women – across all the societies. In spite of being many differences among women in the world, they share something common which cuts across all the above mentioned factors.

I won’t describe the concept of Patriarchy in details here. Broadly speaking, male progeny preference; discrimination between men (sons) and women (daughters) in food, clothes, educational opportunities (Women also discriminate because they are born and brought up into Patriarchy); household chores being the responsibility of only women (and girls); control over women’s movement and body; sexual exploitation of women and girls;  lack of inheritance right (in India we have improved laws now); lack of decision power to women regarding how many children she wants and when; … all such points highlight the importance of men in the life we all live. There might be some exceptions around, but we are discussing the general norms.

So, Patriarchy means:  men have control over women: control over women’s productive and reproductive capabilities; control over women’s sexuality, control over women’s mobility, control over all the resources etc. Different institutions and systems like Religion, Family, Law, Education, Market, Politics shape and strengthen Patriarchy.

Let us accept openly that men are also burdened by Patriarchy. They too have to fulfil specific roles and carry out specific responsibilities with which all men are not comfortable. They are also trapped in a system, which no doubt is still more beneficial to them. Women’s Movement turns away from these traditional roles and responsibilities and appeals to us create an environment where all individuals will have equal opportunity to realize their potential. Men and Women have different bodies (though only reproductive system is different), but based on that an entire social structure of discrimination and favor has been created. Women’s Movement is not asking us to change the body, but the asking us to change our ways we look at women’s body. If you review the life of your grandmother/father – mother/father- and you – you will realize that social change always happens. The changes Women’s Movement is seeking are difficult and time taking, but they are not improbable.

If women’s awareness about their Rights increases, men certainly will have to give away most of the benefits they get in Patriarchy. That is one of the reasons why some men dislike Women’s Movement. However, we need to realize that Women’s Movement (and there are different schools of thought within the movement) is not against Men. It is not about Men versus Women, but it is about Men with Women. The “women” are not someone we do not know; she is the mother, the aunt, the grandmother, wife, girlfriend, friend, daughter, colleague, neighbor …., these women enrich our lives, their happiness would make men too happy. Men and Women both need to contribute towards this struggle of Women’s Rights.

The struggle for Women’s Rights is on for centuries. These Rights are classified into Economic Rights, Civil Rights, Socio-Cultural Rights and Political Rights. Basically, all these are Human Rights. The form of the struggle has changed, the tools used by the movement have changed and the response also has changed. Many sensitive men have supported Women’s Movement during the long journey. Many laws have been improved to accommodate Women’s Rights. But we still have a long way to go. Not only in India but across the world, we still have lot to do to achieve the goal of Women’s Rights.

We are not going to discuss history of Women’s Movement here – may be some other time. However, we would briefly look at the evolution of ‘International Women’s Day’.

In 1908, women working in Garment industry in New York (USA), declared strike to demand better working conditions. To support these demands, in 1909, women in USA celebrated ‘Women’s Day’ on 28 February. In 1910, Copenhagen hosted Socialist Conference in which more than 100 women from 17 countries participated. The Conference passed a resolution of celebrating “International Women’s Day’ to support Women’s Rights movement and Right to Vote for Women. However, the date of celebration was not fixed.

In India, on 26 January 1950, Constitution was adopted and it established Right to Vote for both women and men (who have completed 21 years, later the age was reduced to 18). We in India, do not know about women’s worldwide struggle to get Right to Vote. (Also in many countries all men did not have Right to Vote; description of this journey will need separate blog-post.) Let us look at the journey of some of the countries – which will give us some idea of women’s struggle.

Sweden – in 1718, taxpayer women members of the City Guild had the Right to Vote. Women’s Right to Vote was achieved in 1921. United States of America – in 1756, one woman in Uxbridge (Massachusetts) was given a Right to Vote in Town Meeting. In 1910 women’s Right to Vote was established in some of the States and the process was complete in 1920. Great Britain 1928; New Zealand 1929; United States of Soviet Russia in 1917 (after abdication of Czar); 1935 British Raj (included India) and Burma (now Myanmar); 1945 – France, Italy and Japan; 1947 China and Pakistan (initial only literate women could vote in Pakistan, in 1956 the right was extended to all the women); this process is going on. In Saudi Arabia women were granted Right to Vote in 2011 and they could contest municipal election only in 2015. So, the struggle is still on.

As an impact of Copenhagen Conference, on 19 March in 1911, millions of people (both women and men) celebrated ‘Women’s Day’ in Austria, Denmark, Germany and Switzerland. With Right to Vote, they also supported demands like Right to Work, Right to Vocational Training, Right to Equal treatment (no discrimination) at workplace.

In 1913, women in Soviet Russia filled the streets on the last Sunday of February in demand of Peace. In Europe, Women’s Day was celebrated on and around 8 March in 1914. In 1917, on the last Sunday of February, Russian women took the streets demanding “Bread and Peace”. This was 8 March according to Gregorian Calendar. (Later Russia accepted Gregorian Calendar in 1918.) Within 4 days, Czar abdicated.

Different countries kept on celebrating Women’s Day. In India, All India Women’s Conference Initiated Women’s Day celebration in different towns on 1 March 1930. India celebrates ‘National Women’s Day’ on 13 February which is a birth anniversary of our First Women Governor and Freedom Fighter Sarojini Nayadu.

Women’s Day became truly International in 1975 when United Nations Organization declared 8 March as ‘International Women’s Day’. All the countries now celebrate this Day and many events, discussions are organized on this day to review progress and strategize towards achieving Women’s Rights.

The journey to Gender Equity is a continuous journey.  Every year for ‘International Women’s Day’ a theme is declared so that it does not remain one-day activity. In 1975, the theme was “United Nations recognizes International Women’s Day”. I easily remember the following themes: Women and Human Rights (1998); World Free of Violence Against Women (1999); Afghan Women Today: Realities and Opportunities (2002); Women and HIV/AIDS (2004); Women in Decision Making (2006); Empower Rural Women, End Poverty and Hunger (2012).

The theme for 2016 International Women’s Day is #PledgeForParity. Four types of activities are suggested which can be taken up by individuals and/or organizations. 1. Help women and girls to achieve their ambitions: challenge conscious and unconscious bias 2. Call for Gender balanced leadership 3. Value women’s and men’s contribution equally and 4. Create inclusive, flexible cultures. If you come across any other idea, you are free to act on it. I have pledged for the first idea, though these four ideas are not compartmental but connected.

You can sign the page here. If required, develop ideas which you think will work in your environment.

Can we declare our commitment to “Parity” – in home, at workplace, at whatever place we spend time? Can we act with consciousness towards Gender Equity? Both Men and Women are expected to work jointly to arrive at a better world. Signing this pledge only makes us feel better to know that we are not alone on this path. There are millions in the world who are trying to make the world better.

Happy International Women’s Day to you all.

Please, do share your experiences of the journey. I look forward to learning from you.

220. DREAM

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 51; the fifty-first edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. In association with Red Ink Publishers and "Curse Of The Red Soil" by Durgesh Shastri. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

It had been a long day. This has been the routine for the last six months.

Shama was feeling very tired. However, today she was in the National Capital to present her project. Unfortunately she had nothing to report – that is- no progress; only challenges!

Shama opened her laptop, there was internet connection, but she did not feel like updating her FB status, nor did she want to tweet or appear on other social networking sites. She looked at the screen without realizing what to do with it!

Shama was not suffering from ‘Status Update’ mania, but she used Social Network to share her experiences, ideas and thoughts.

Shama was not a trained social worker, nor was she a journalist – though people often assumed her to be so. Her sensitivity and her enthusiasm to “make a change” brought her to the field of Development and she liked it. Rural areas, tribal areas, social issues, women, economic development, behavioral change, social capital, community based organizations, participatory development …..  These words and terms became integral part of her life. She lived it and her dream was to live it forever.

Since last few months, Shama was working in one of the remote parts of the country. Initially she was excited with the idea of working in a new area. She liked to take new challenges. Lack of vegetarian food, challenge of communicating in a new language, lack of transport, and lack of basic infrastructure and many such problems did not matter to her. She was fascinated by the project idea of working with girls in primary schools.

Shama sighed. She remembered her visits to school, her interactions with girls, parents and teachers. She had innumerable planning and review sessions with partner NGOs. All that had miserably failed. The funding agency had given number of warnings and opportunities; but people continued “Business as usual”. 

Shama knew that she dreamt about the success of the project, with all her might.

However, when it comes to “Social Change”; individual dream is necessary but hardly sufficient.

Collective Dream shapes destiny of “Social Change”.

“Only if all these people responsible for ‘education of girls’ can dream together about positive change….”, Shama thought to herself and sat listlessly. 

Suddenly she smiled. She had an idea. She realized how she could facilitate the process of collective dream!

Shama turned to her laptop. She started writing “Strategies to address the Challenges”.

Every DREAM wants to LIVE; we need to give it as many chances as we could…….Shama was fluently expressing her thoughts – not in these words; but in the same spirit.

DREAM indeed is powerful!

The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton. Participation Count: 44

219. Inauguration

“Namaste”, the person greeted me in a typical Indian way; though he was surrounded by crowd.By reflex action, I too greeted him, but I did not know him. So I asked a stranger sitting next to me, “who is he?”

“You don’t know him?” he was surprised. Naturally, because it appeared that the person was the chief guest of the program. “He is our MP (Member of Parliament)” he explained. 

I could immediately understand why the MP greeted me. In the pavilion, we were only two women. The other woman was the Chief Executive Officer of the district, she was on the stage with the MP and he obviously knew her. I was sitting in the crowd; talking to people; taking photographs and writing important points in my notebook. Because of camera and notepad, people always assume that I am a journalist. Today, even the MP assumed so. That must be the reason of his greeting. 

The MP was curiously looking at me simply because he was unable to locate me in his memory. He called someone and asked him something. This person asked another person. I had no work, so I was watching the chain of communication. As expected, a person sitting to my right asked whether I was a journalist. Knowing that the answer would finally reach the MP, I briefly explained my identity – not in a spiritual way but mundane! I watched the message travel back and noted that the MP considered me a citizen with no nuisance value. 

I was in a small village in Rajasthan, in an inauguration of road construction under the Prime Minister Rural Road Scheme. No, I had no direct or even indirect connection with this scheme. However, while traveling into remote areas, have always seen lack of ‘Road, Electricity and Water’ as the key barrier to Development. Especially in the absence of a good (or even functional) road connectivity girls and boys have to drop out of school; sick people do not get timely and adequate treatment; vegetables are thrown or used as fodder for animals because they cannot be taken to the market – one can only imagine what the villagers must be thinking in such situations. I have favorable opinion about this scheme and I had never attended its inauguration – so I was excited with this opportunity. 

When we left the highway, and turned to left, this suddenly was visible – allover. The crop of Mustard looks so beautiful.  

Since it was a Government program, we were moving in a large convoy of cars. On the way, everybody in the villages stopped doing whatever they were doing and looked in bewilderment to the passing cars.

We again turned to left and I saw an empty pavilion. First I thought it must be for a marriage ceremony. Later I realized that it was the venue of the inauguration program. 

We crossed the pavilion and continued to travel by a road, which was a typical village road. I saw lot of men smoking in a relaxed way.  It had rained recently, so there was no work in the farm. Because of rain, winter had become more severe. Our car stopped at a palatial house. A well dressed, English speaking person, about 55 years old, received us. He was one of the senior officers in Delhi and this was his native village. A small villager person being in a distinct and prestigious position in the Capital of the Country was a journey worth appreciation. 

Within couple of minutes I realized that the PMGSY road that was to be inaugurated passed the house of the official. In fact the road was being constructed to make his home coming comfortable. Many senior government officers were present and listening to their discussion was very educative. Quality of cement, inter-locking tiles, load taking capacity of the road, the arrangement and space for taking into consideration the need of local farmers to put irrigation pipes across the roads … the senior engineers and experts were discussing a lot. I am not sure whether all roads are constructed by taking into consideration all these quality aspects.

After the round of tea, the servant of the house arrived with another tray full of something. It attracted my attention because none from our group picked up anything (and secondly the servant did not offer me). The servant went amongst the large crowd waiting in the front yard. I took this photograph when he returned.  

A lot is being spoken about the “dangers of smoking” – all that is futile – I realized then and there. 

We went back to the pavilion. With the arrival of the MP, the place was overcrowded within no time.  Then one by one, many people spoke. Fortunately, all the speeches were brief, but they were informative. The progress of PMGSY in the state was presented and the numbers were overwhelming. For example, I remember one official telling the crowd that in last eleven years 8860 new roads were constructed. These roads together sum up to 34795 kilometers and was able to connect 10703 villages. Impressive, isn’t it? 

I could see the unknown faces in those unfamiliar villages and could imagine how their life could have changed because of these roads. There is a point in arguing about destruction of ecological system and all that – but why apply this parameter only to rural roads? They are lifelines for many. 

After the program was over, I saw many women standing behind. Whey they were not invited to join the main function?  Whey they are always invisible? I spoke to them for a while.

We consumed typical Rajasthani food – Daal Baatee and Churama Laddu.

By the time we started for Delhi, the pendal was in the process of removal. Only the tablet of inauguration remained there. 

Will this PMGSY road be ever constructed, or it will always remain inaugurated – I wondered. 

May be this one will come into reality – because it is a native place of a senior government official. And since his brother lives in this village, the officer regularly visits this village. 

However, I am aware that all those roads whose plan is “inaugurated” are not lucky enough to come into Reality!  They die premature death!
* *

214. My Government

When a new Government is elected, people have lot of expectations - irrespective of the political party. It is always good for government to be connected with people's dreams and aspirations. There could be no two opinions about the necessity of  the representative government's continued dialogue with the people. All governments try to do it - in different ways. Such effort has its limitation but it is also useful  to some extent. 

Recently, to be exact on 27 July, Prime Minister Mr. Narendra Modi's government has initiated a new line of communication. With the help of Information and Technology, now people can participate in government by sharing ideas and issues through the website "myGov". Anyone who wishes to participate can join the site. 

Initially, while signing up, I faced difficultiies - I was not able to sign up even after repeated efforts. I did write to Admin of the site and I was told that it happend due to heavy traffic to the site. Later, I was able to access the site. We have to provide Name, Address, Email, contact phone and then we can register. Some people may find it  problematic to share personal information - we are never sure about the data security. 

Presently six groups are acitve - Clean Ganga, Girl's education, Green India, Skill Development, Clean India and Digital India. 

You are allowed to join four groups - in fact, three groups as fourth group is automatically your distrcit group! I have joined Girls' Education, Clean India and Green India. The concerned Ministries are expected to take not of the discussions in these group. The people who put forth good ideas wll have an opportunity to interact with the Prime Minister - that is what newpapers inform!  

There are not only discussions; you can join some Tasks as well.

For example, in the group "Clean India" one task is: visit any "Mid-Day-Meal" kitchen, observe cleanliness and suggest improvements. The task requires 2 hours. Generally when a task is declared, there is one month time limit to complete it. 

"Girl's Education" group has a task to "prepare curriculum framework to enhance skills of girl students". I have joined this task and working on it . 

All these tasks are to be carried out as a "citizen". Nobody can go and say that the government has asked us to find out how clean is your kitchen and so on. This is a voluntary work - people are expected to use their time, their money, their energy and their intelligence in this work. Those who want to participate in the progress of the county without getting affiliated to any political party - have a good opportunity here - that is what my first impression is. Let me form opinion after few months. 

The major limitation of this effort is: illiterate people, people who do not use computers and Internet will not be able to participate. In a way, it can be criticised to be "a platform only for  affluent, higher middle class people and the poor and illiterate have no say" - which seems right. But those who read this blog, certainly have access to Internet and if they wish to participate in myGov, they can; we all can.

If you join myGov, or you are already "into" it, please, do share your experiences. 
**

204. Void

Readers of this blog know that I have a poor memory. As is my habit, I must have shared this fact with you a number of times. I hardly worry about poor memory – but on some occasions it creates embarrassing situation for me. Today was one of those days.

Today I started early for office. I had to prepare for a meeting and in the evening I was planning to leave early. Taking advantage of ‘flexi-time’ facility, I took Metro early than my usual time. I had a different crowd around me. Everyday though I do not have conversations with my co-passengers, we do exchange smiles. If someone is in good mood, she would ask me where I was last week and then I share travel experiences with her. Today too, I was taking Metro after a gap of couple of weeks. But as I mentioned, this was not my usual time, so there was no possibility of meeting someone.

I entered Metro and found a vacant seat. The route I take is underground, so there is nothing to watch through the window. As the journey takes hardly 20 minutes, I generally don’t read book in the Metro. I close eyes and just relax – that is what I was planning to do even today.

Suddenly a young woman sitting opposite to me said “Hello” and smiled. I too smiled spontaneously, but I did not reply. I realized that I did not know this woman. I assumed that she must have addressed to some other woman. So, I kept quiet. Smiling to strangers is alright, even I talk to strangers, but today I did not want and so kept quiet.

I noticed that none of the women sitting either to my left or right spoke to that young women. I was curious. Of course, it was happening in an instant – I am take much longer time to write it; even your are taking more time to read it. I was looking at that women but did not respond to her. Suddenly she showed a feeling of insult and stopped smiling. Her eyes showed frustration and anger. She stopped looking at me, and adjusted her earphone for music on mobile handset. It was clear from her body language that she was not comfortable.

By that time, I too wasn’t comfortable. Part of my brain was trying to find out ‘whether I know this woman and if yes, where have we met.’ The more I thought about it, the more I felt that I have met this young woman earlier. In knew her face, her eyes, her voice … I was sure that the women had said “hello” to me and to none else.

So, I wanted to initiate dialogue with her and started looking at her. But now the woman was not at all looking at me. As if the one-two feet distance between us has suddenly become one or two kilometers. For a moment, I thought of leaving my seat, approaching her and talking to her. But I noticed that the woman was completely ignoring me. That created another wave of doubt. Was she really addressing me or someone else?

I kept on staring at the woman and with every passing moment, I was sure that I knew this girl. She must have been aware of my gaze, because next moment she looked at me. I was fully ready for that moment, and I asked, “Do you everyday catch the same Metro?”

She nodded – indicating ‘no’. I said, “I am surprised that we have never met on the Metro.”

Now she was completely relaxed and gave a big smile. I said again, “How is it that we have never met on the Metro? I travel everyday around the same time.”

She explained about car servicing and said, “Are you coming to Chanakypuri office today? We have to gate down at Race Course station.”

Listening to her, it dawned upon me that this young woman was none else but Shehanaz.

I was ashamed of myself.

I know Shehanaz for more than a year now; I have met her at least 25 times during the year. At for hundred times I had tele-conversations with her. She is receptionist –cum –telephone operator in one of my offices.

/

Shehanaz is a good natured woman. She is efficient and proactive. Her work is always of a good quality. She has offered me help on many occasions. Whenever I visit Chanakypuri office, Shehanaz is always kind to me. She always asks about my wellbeing, offers me coffee and helps me to sort out my work in that office. What I have observed that Shehanaz is good with everybody around. She is a kind soul. I have a very good opinion about Shehanaz and I have written good words about her to her seniors.

I speak to Shehanaz. We hardly get five minutes. Shehanaz is now in good spirit and she is smiling. Metro arrives at Race Course. Shehanaz gets down. Doors close. Shehanaz moves away but turns back and smiles at me, waves her hand. I too smile and wave back.

However, I am engrossed in thought. Why did not I recognize Shehanaz immediately? If I meet someone after a long gap or someone whom I hardly know and like – I can understand poor memory. But I like Shehanaz and I keep on meeting her regularly – still I failed to recognize her.

It is possible that as I had never met Shehanaz on the Metro, I least expected her to meet here. Well, if I was surprised, it would have been natural – but I failed to recognize her cannot be justified in any manner. Generally we picture people in a given set up – it is hard to recognize postman in civil dress and without postbag; or a vegetable vendor at a movie theater. So, maybe meeting Shehanaz here was not at all expected by me.

Am I equating human being with his/her work? Am I looking at them as machines and not as human beings? Am I too selfish or insensitive to existence of others? Am I always lost in my own world? Am I getting disconnected from the reality around me?

Life has its own speed. There are always new happenings in life, so the old ones are easily left behind. But is it just a game for me – to replace old memories by new? Am I looking at life as a game? What will it lead to me? Until I get old, new persons, incidents, memories will keep on entering into my life – so I can afford to forget the past – persons, incidents, memories and what not. Because I am still active, my senses are working alright, I can play this game; as if it the only one of any significance.

What will happen if I get long life? By law of nature, my senses will become weak; a time will come when nothing new would be added to my life. When the inflow of new persons, incidents, memories etc. stops (and it will stop one day); what will I remember? By that time past will be dead and there will be hardly exciting ‘present’. If I remember something from the past, will that past have any place for me? Will those people, incidents, memories of the past mean anything to me? Will there be only a vacuum – where there will be no past and there will be no present. What will I do then? With the Mind, with the Body and with the Ego?  

Will I be able to live happily in that void? 

**