178. Innocent

" Wai Wai? or Momo? What would you prefer, Madam? " my colleague asked me.

Momo, I know. I like Momo. After coming to Delhi I have been consuming them regularly. However at that moment  I did not want Momo only because yesterday afternoon and yesterday evening I had already tested Momo in this part of the county. So, I asked what is Wai Wai? And realized that they are kind of noodles.

I was in the village Sikkp in Namchi area of (South Sikkim district) in Sikkim. My local colleagues were with me. In the morning I had climbed up and down the hills in village Wok and had used lot more calories, so I was hungry. But here there were only two options - Wai Wai and Momo.

I decided to have Wai Wai and it was filling. But my colleagues were still hungry and were planning to order Momo and Soup. Instead of waiting for them to finish their food, I decided to use this time to walk around and take some pictures. Because of my presence my colleagues were not able to freely converse in Nepali so they gladly accepted my plan.

I came outside and noticed the beautiful river flowing to my left. While going to Wok village I had asked about the river and was told that the name of the river is Rangeet (which literally means colorful or colored). This is a tributary of Teesta river - the lifeline of Sikkim. About Teesta river, there is a lot to tell - but not today. I was planning to climb down to the river and enter into the water - just stand in the water for few minutes. But then I realized that the water was too deep and was moving very fast. I also realized that there was no path to climb down and that during the last three days I have not seen anybody near the waters. The river is flowing with flurry - so better to keep away from her!

To my left there was a bridge. In Sikkim one comes across these bridges very often. I can imagine that when these bridges were not built, how the villages would remain cut off from the rest of the world for days. These bridges appear to be old and one wonders whether they are strong enough! But these bridges are very strong. They play a major role in connecting villages and in turn connecting people with each other. They carry the burden of the vehicles and make living of people a little less hazardous during monsoon and winter. 

.

I was adjusting my  camera when I saw both of them chatting together. They were standing in the middle of the bridge in a relaxed manner. Initially they were little worried about the camera in my hands. However, I believe that was the reason they wanted to interact with me. They started staring at me. I leisurely walked towards them. That increased their curiosity. I could understand that both of them were in two minds - whether to smile at me or not. I took the initiative and smiled.

"Can I take your photograph?" I asked in Hindi. One of them smiled signaling me his permission and was immediately ready to pose. The other was bit hesitant though. "Can't you speak Nepali?" he asked me expressing his distrust. I said, "No, I can't." He started thinking on my response. But the first one did not want to lose the opportunity to get photographed. He just made his friend quiet.

I took a photograph and showed it to them. Both of them were delighted.
"Are you alone?" one of them asked.
"No, I am not alone. My colleagues taking lunch, I finished with it and so came outside to take some pictures," I explained. 

"Why are you taking food in the hotel? Is your home here?" the first one asked again.
"No, my home is not here," I answered.
"Then where is it?" another question.
"It is in Delhi," I inform.
"Oh! That is the reason you cannot speak Nepali", the first boy who was still doubting me seemed to be little convinced. 

"Where have you come? To whom did you meet?" he asked.
I indicated the office where I had been.
"Ok, I know that office. You met the officer there?," another question.
"Yes," I answered without explaining more.
"Where will you go now?" one more question.
"Namachi", I answered again.
"Which car is yours? The Jeep or the White one behind?" he asked. I was impressed with his observation power. I answered that too.

Then I decided to ask few questions to them. Though the children looked very young, they were studying in fifth class. We had an interesting conversation about their school, Nepali language, mid day meal in the school, their teachers, hostel and the students in the hostel ...

"What are you doing here?" I asked.
"Watching the water level" both of them answered together. 

Then there was another round of conversation- this time about the river. The name of the river is Rangeet, there is a dam on the other side, the water level increases during day and reduces in the night because it rains more in the night. They can swim but nobody swims in the river during rainy season.

I asked about fish. One of them explained, "There are no fish now. Like flowers they too are seasonal. This is not the season for fish..." he was patiently trying to explain. 

Suddenly they shouted at me, "Run fast. Your car is leaving. It will go without you..." They were able to see the car though I was not. I knew that the car won't leave me but I was touched by the concern the kids expressed about me.

"The car will pick me up. It will pass this bridge, won't it?" I tried to assure the boys.
"Namachi is not in this direction. It is on the other road...." the kids almost pushed me towards the car.

In the cities we are taught to act with purpose, taught 'not to befriend strangers'; taught to guard our privacy; in short we are taught to distrust people around us. Of course I agree that the changing situation has provided  a solid context to such behavior and attitude. 

However these kids talked to me for half an hour, they showed trust in me, they had a concern for me, they understood my limitations - I am touched by their action, 

Whenever I will remember the roaring waters of Rangeet, the green Himalayan range I will also remember this innocent conversation with these two young boys. 

**

172. Mind Games

On that day, I was traveling from Mumbai to Pune once again. During summer vacations it is difficult to travel on this route. Though there are innumerable options, they are all crowded. It is hard to book tickets in advance and even if you have 'reserved' seat, it is of no use is my experience. So, there is an inevitable discussion among the co-passengers on "vacation - crowd - railway reservation - corruption - railway management - government - increased population ..." and so on. Some respond to the situation coolly and some show their experience by saying something like "Oh! This crowd is nothing. Last year I was traveling to ...." 

We Indians like to discuss. The discussion does not end even if everybody agrees. The disagreement is generally on un-important points. These points vary according to the season and situation. On that particualr day everybody agreed that 'the summer is getting intolerable' -and on this the discussion continued. 

In my childhood the topic of summer had a short life. The summer was either mild or strong or severe. Now even kids talk in terms of temperatures like "Yesterday Pune was 39  (degree Celsius), our Mumbai is much cooler you know, it was only 34." The credit goes to 24X7 news channels as well internet. I never find news on TV channels interesting, but people refer to those news bites seriously in various discussions. 

Everybody was sweating during the journey. The price of cold-drinks was making poor parents sweat more. Then the discussion as expected turned towards 'water' and especially 'drinking water." People remembered how the delayed monsoon caused trouble last year and hoped that "this year the monsoon is on time."

The discussion continued. The train passed Kalyan station and then Karjat station. The train was on time. People were planning what they would do when they reach Pune. Outside, the Sun was blazing, the hills were barren and dry. Everybody was waiting for the end of the journey. 

When we reached around Monkey Hill, there was a sudden change in atmosphere. There was wild breeze and the sky was covered with black clouds. The blazing Sun had disappeared behind those clouds. There was the typical smell of earth when it rains .. and within moments we met stormy Rain.

I love rain. Even by its hope, I become happy and fresh. My mind becomes rain when it actually rains outside. 

I was happy. I looked at my co-passengers and was surprised!  Nobody was in a mood to welcome Rain. All windows were hurriedly shut down. The train lost its speed. It stopped for ten minutes in Khandala station and took twenty minutes to reach Lonvala from Khandala. Passengers were not comfortable and everybody was looking at his/her watch after every minute.

Slowly, people started complaining about the delay, about the railway management, about the rain. Someone said, "Why this rain had to come only now! It  could have come later!!" Others agreed. They continued the discussion on 'how untimely the rain always arrives". Some other even suggested that "why it does not rain only on agricultural and forest lands? Why do we people in cities need rain for?" The argument no doubt was unwise, foolish and disastrous. It clearly showed selfishness and lack of understanding and respect for Nature. However, nobody argued and it seemed to be that everybody was thinking on the similar lines. 

I found the change in response of the people around me rather funny. Why are we always dissatisfied with what we have? In summer, have we ever tried to exchange a smile with the Sun? In summer we complain about the heat, in winter we complain about the cold and in rainy seasons we complain about rain. Why do we do that? Why do we behave and respond like this? Why do we think that only a farmer could be happy with the arrival of rain? 

"I should get what I want" is not a very healthy attitude. 

And do we really know what we want? 

Are we aware that our wants, our desires, our demands keep on changing. 

Whatever we have, we are not happy with; and whatever we don't have, we always want. 

What kind of Mind Game(s) are we playing? 

Will it ever end? 

**

117. Quick Shake

My body, mind and intellect are at loggerheads again.

I know it is not the right time for this to happen. My problem is : there is never a right time for it to happen. Every time I excuse myself on this point, they become adamant. Especially at this hour, I have no control over them. I do not have a wrist watch or a wall clock. But somehow I can always guess time approximately correctly. This must be around 1.30 in the morning, I know.

The windowpanes are making noise. The bed is behaving as if it is contemplating to hurriedly initiate a Rock Dance. The dogs are barking. The crows and kites are engaged in producing frightening calls. People are shouting loudly. First I thought I must be dreaming. But I realize that it is an Earthquake. My intellect orders me to RUSH DOWN – ‘Safety First’ is the right approach in such situations.

However, mind rejects the suggestion of the intellect. (I know, I should not do this!) It decides to ‘experience’ what is happening. The body and mind have their own conflict, but when intellect arrives in the picture, the body always associates with the mind. Like politicians, nobody is a permanent enemy of the other in my own world too.

I am awake, but not frightened. I am not panicking. I am not running away. It is foolish of me to act in this way, but I can’t help. I am listening to the trembling Earth. I think she is saying something, but can’t make out what it is.

The tremor lasts only for few seconds. Two seconds? Three seconds? I am not sure. It ends as if before it began.

I stretch my hand towards my mobile handset to see what time it is. It is 2.00 in the morning. The silence falls – that means not much damage done by this.

I always wonder about Earth. In a way, she is bound by Natural Law, Governed by unknown Forces. Who decided that the Earth should move round the Sun? Who decided that Life should evolve on the Earth? Did the Earth had her choice or she - like all of us - is just a part of the Cycle? In this way we are similar to Earth – we get what we did not ask for and we have the responsibility to carry it on well.

Sometimes I wonder that like me (and you of course), whether Earth too has a mind and an intellect along with her material existence. No, I don’t mean to say that Earthquakes happen to punish bad people, or that is the way of the Earth to take revenge. I don’t think Earth is that MEAN. It must be something like - she is trying to throw her binding in some way, maybe she is just yawning or stretching herself a bit .. who knows?

Does Earth too have a Goal to achieve? Does she have a plan to move on? Is she bothered about her destruction? Does she have hopes? Does she aim to reach somewhere? What is her destiny? Will she be destroyed one day? Then what will happen? From where she came and to where she would go? Does she experience the feelings of happiness, joy and pain? Maybe not measurable on human scale – but on HER scale? Does she speak? Does she have a language? Does she feel lonely? Does she dream? How does she face the boredom? What inspires her to carry such a burden of humanity and other species? Do they mean anything to her or not at all?

Sounds like human life ..... isn’t it?

***********

I start towards my office at 9.00 a.m. – seven hours after the Tremor.

The moment I put my feet on the ground (I live on the second floor) – I ask the Earth (speaking to oneself is a sign of madness, but I have always been that Mad!),

“Are you OK? What happened? ”

Earth smiles listlessly. But she is clearly amused.

“I am perfectly alright my child. HOW ARE YOU?” she asks smilingly.

“I am fine. That was a Quick Shake indeed,” I tell her.

Earth smiles at me. I smile at her.

I move on.

With an assurance: that in Life and in Death, the Earth is going to be with me.

I will never be alone.

My destiny is part of Her destiny, though Her destiny includes many more such tiny destinies.

We may explore it together, or we may explore it separately – but explore we will.

And where we reach is not important, how we travel is important!

To make best of what we have is the right approach to make a right beginning.

The Quick Shake clearly destroyed something in me ... and gave way for new things!

43. Rainbow...

Today I woke up with a smile. That is a sure sign of a good dream (and a good life…). Yes, I had a very fantastic dream. I was holding a rainbow in my hands… I was touching it; I was feeling it and I had an intense conversation with it. I was full of joy, smile, happiness, fullness…

Most of my dreams are illusionary and are born out of wild imagination. But this dream was very close to reality. Yes, yesterday I was face to face with a rainbow….

Yesterday was a routine day. That is what I thought, when it began. I was traveling to a remote area in Sahyadri ranges with my colleagues for official work. After the work was over, we visited a spot.. a huge water-body. The sky was cloudy enough to raise hopes for rains, but the rain has not visited this area yet.

And I see a whirlpool of water and amazingly beautiful rainbow at a ‘hand stretch’ distance. I could touch it and feel it.

Life is all about impossible becoming possible. What excites me most is, I hardly play any role in it when it happens. It is a gift to me… without any expectations, without any compulsion to return the favors… I am completely free of burden of ego when I am with Nature. Nature makes me what I am and it accepts me without grudge.

Human relations are mostly about ‘Give and Take’. You are expected to return gifts, favors, compliments, money, care… everything that you get from others. If you don’t pay back, you are labeled as a traitor, a ruthless person. Don’t get influenced even if you are treated exclusively and exceptionally well…. That only means you will have to pay exceptional price, you will suffer exclusively.

What I like about Nature is: it never claims to be doing anything for me, but it gives me immense joy. Nature is not bothered about my actions and reactions. It allows me to make my choices… the Sun rises and sets without even bothering whether I am watching it or whether I am satisfied with it. The rain comes and goes… I cannot command and I am not commanded, I cannot demand and I am not demanded, I cannot expect and I am not expected to do anything …. The Nature and I just co-exist, we just live together, we just happen to be in the same ‘time and space’ framework. Even if l decide to live without Nature, it does not emotionally blackmail me…. It can very well do without me. That gives me a rare freedom. That gives me opportunity to ‘take off’ my ego for a while. That makes me Infinite. The duality vanishes and everything becomes ONE.

I am lucky enough to have this ‘rainbow’ kind of life. I am lucky enough to have everything that I have and everything that I don’t have…..

Sometimes I wonder whether this whole life is nothing but a DREAM….. Like that rainbow a colorful DREAM

Just out there for its own sake…..

*

41. After the Rain….

It happened only yesterday afternoon. The whole day, I was working on a project budget with my colleague. It was 7th or 8th draft, so we were tired enough. The calculations had to be checked and re-checked. My workstation is not ‘off the road’. So, I cannot see anything outside. I would love to have an open space to work, but well, it is not so.

Amidst all those figures, I suddenly smiled. I said, “Ah! It is raining…” There was no sound of rain, no smell of rain, but still I could feel the rain outside. May be because I was born in July, I love rain. It rains within me, when it rains outside. The rain touches my soul.

Whatever good childhood memories I have, all those are associated with rain. I was brought up in a rain-shadow area. So, I guess, there was not much of rain. But whatever it was, it filled my life.

My childhood house had a tin roof. So, when it rained in the night, there was a typical sound of the drops falling on the tin. I would somehow always be awake when rain came.. Whether at two or at six in the morning. Everybody around me, almost the whole world around would be asleep, only the rain accompanying me. Many nights I opened the door without making any noise and tried to catch rain in my hands. I tried to quench my thirst with the fresh water. Sometimes I got myself drenched in the rains and then sat all the night on the floor happily… feeling the rain all over me and integrated within me.

When it rained during day time, the sky changed its colors. Many evenings the golden Sun after the rain melted in my eyes, making me light. It was as if I could travel to different worlds with the help of those mystique golden sunrays. I would soak my feet into the small water pools. The trees would be fresh - like a just bathed baby - after the rain, and I would touch the leaves very softly. The thundering and lightening accompanying the rain brought a great excitement. There was some world unknown to me, but it brought its joys and beauty to me through rain. I loved rain more than anything.

Slowly when I grew, I became more attracted to rain. Many cycle trips in the rain in Pune, a walk on Pondicherry beach in torrential rains, windy rain in Mumbai, monsoon treks with clouds in your hands, rain in Tamhini, rain in Satpuda, rain in Himalayas, …. I have innumerable memories of rain. With rain I change, with rain I live, with rain I smile....

Though nowadays with rain comes the feeling that so many people would be displaced and so many poor and homeless would be distressed…

I am happy that monsoon is approaching. For next few months I would have hardly any time to be unhappy and I will not at all be stressed. Because at every corner, there would be the sky full of rain or at least a promise of rain.

I come home, physically exhausted but with mental vigor… and the sky is teasing me to interpret the meaning of life…. the clouds act as if we are strangers to each other….

After the Rain…life becomes more beautiful, more meaningful, more original…

(Note: All these photos are taken with a Sony Ericsson Cyber Shot mobile 2 mp camera on the evening of 5th June 2009 from my residence balcony – of course by me!)