125. Evenings @ Jantar Mantar

From India Gate we return to Jantar Mantar. We are instructed to walk without ‘slogans’. Not exactly Silent March, only no Slogans. I appreciate the wisdom of the organizers. They realize that people are tired. During our March towards India Gate earlier, we had innumerable slogans. Today it is not Candle March but ‘Plate and Spoon’ March – so that the government can hear the ‘voice of people’.

For last 45 minutes we have nonstop chanting of “Vande Maataram”. “Inquilaab Zindaabaad” and “Bhaarat Maataa kee Jay” are the two other popular slogans. One slogan that makes everyone smile is “Sonia Jisakee Mummy Hai, Vaha Sarkaar Nikammee Hai”. Not only youngsters but middle aged women and men are enthusiastically participating in the Protest March.

But as now there are no slogans, people are talking amongst themselves. I am walking alone. I have no one specific to talk to. So I overhear many conversations – to my left and right, behind me, in front of me – everywhere. It is all “off camera”. People do not know that I am listening to them.

A group of college students. One boy says,”You know, this is for the first time I am participating in a Protest March. Always watched in on TV and U Tube. I am feeling great about this.”

One of his friends must have smiled. Because the same voice asks, “Why are you smiling? I am not joking.”

His friend responds, “You talk about Protest March. As far as I remember, this is for the first time I am walking on the road for such a long time. Feeling good about it. There must be many people who have to walk daily. I am trying to imagine their life.”

There is another group of young boys and girls.

One boy emotionally says,”You know, this old man has no family.”

“What do you mean?” asks a girl.

“We all are his family,” argues another boy with fervor.

“Listen yaar! I am saying that he has no grandson, son, daughter, land, estate etc. to take care of. He is not fighting for himself. He is doing it for us – so that we live a better life” – the first boy explains.

“You never said a better thing than this,” his colleagues appreciate him.

And there is another group.

A girls says,”WC celebration was best, but this is bestest.”

“Why?” her friends want to know.

“Actual cricket is played by Sachin, Yuvi, MS, Zak, Gauti, Bhajji and others. We celebrate their victory, but our contribution is zero in that. But here we are actually contributing to a national cause,” she explains.

“Don’t forget that those 300 people on hunger strike are the real contributors. We are just walking,” a down to earth fellow reminds them.

“Sure, they are the real heroes. But we are also doing a squirrels’ job. This is a memorable moment of my life,” someone adds and everybody agrees – even the down to earth fellow!

One more group.

“Let us join Jail Bharo on 13^th,” a girl suggests.

“What if they really put us in Jail? Will the police beat us? Will the college rusticate us?” another girl is certainly frightened.

“Come on yaar! Police will do nothing of that sort. There would be thousands of people – more than the jails can accommodate!” one boy explains.

Another boy motivates the group, “We have read about Bhagat Sing and other freedom fighters. They died for us. Now this is our time, our moment, and our responsibility. Let us not run away.”

“Yes, we will do it” they all say in one voice.

I see a middle aged woman walking alone. I speak to her. She is overwhelmed by the presence of youngsters – their number as well as their enthusiasm. She adds, “I appreciate and enjoy this atmosphere. Delhi crowds almost always misbehave with women. But here they are taking care of girls and women. If someone touches or pushes by mistake, he immediately says “sorry” and he means it. This is how a good cause, a good environment changes people.”

I completely agree with her. As you all know, at Jantar Mantar veteran social activist Anna Hajare along with hundreds of volunteers is (was) on fast unto death demanding Jan Lokpal Bill. I am in the midst of crowds; all unknown faces; for hours in the evenings. I don’t at all feel insecure even at 10.00 in the night. There is such a “feel good” wave around. This is a different Delhi altogether than I have experienced so far.

***********

A lot has been written about and a lot more would be written about: Anna Hajare, Lokpal and Jan Lokpal; Role of Civil Society and Parliament; Core Group of Jantar Mantar; How Government read the situation wrongly; How people from all walks of life participated spontaneously; Gandhiji’s way of Satyagraha; How people have lost trust in politicians; Strategies of this movement; Media Campaign; Institutionalization of democratic processes etc.The discussion and debate has begun.

*******

I would be guilty of telling you half truth unless I share the other side of this rosy picture.

People gather in large numbers at Jantar Mantar to support hundreds on hunger strike. And what do they (at least some of them) do?

After shouting few slogans and capturing themselves in digital cameras, they turn to food stalls. They shamelessly consume food. They are here to support people on hunger strike; can’t they control their hunger for few hours? What do they mean by support?

The food stall garbage bins are overflowing. Nobody cares about maintaining hygiene surrounding the people on hunger strike. This dirt might increase health risks – but nobody is bothered about it. The volunteers must be working overnight to clean the area – is it their job?

Almost everyone has a camera. Many are engaged in capturing only themselves. Will they still come if cameras are not allowed?

Slogan shouting has become an unquestionable and the only symbol of patriotism. Even while Anna Hajare is speaking to journalists (open press conference), the slogan brigade can’t keep quiet. Organizers request crowd to make a way for carrying (on stretcher) a seriously ill person on hunger strike. A young man shouts, “Bhaarat Maataa kee...” I tap him on shoulder and tell him what the announcement is. He says “sorry” and walks away. If he can’t shout, he is not interested.

One group is shouting “Man Mohan Sing, Bhaarat Chodo” – without understanding the fact that the Prime Minister is as much Indian as they are. Another slogan says, “Bhrashtaachaariyonko Golee Maaro”. When some of us respond to it by saying, “let us not use violent language. Non violence is the fundamental principle of this movement”; the group moves away in another direction.

Some youths are throwing empty water bottles on the road and have to be reminded that garbage bins are to be used.

A journalist accuses Anna Hajare of ‘blackmailing the government.” She clearly lacks common sense. To make such a baseless accusation with so much of confidence; in front of thousands of supporters is not wise. The crowd spontaneously hoots at her; does not allow her to complete the sentence. It is another matter that Anna Hajare answers her question. Agreed, journalists are not Gods. But the behavior of the crowd cannot be justified. What kind of society we want to build, where we are not ready to even listen?

******

I have some doubts about the spontaneous mass participation.

Is it another kind of mass hysteria? Instead of “Sachin, Sachin” now the whole nation seems to be shouting “Anna Hajare, Anna Hajare”. There is the same madness of making Anna Hajare into a kind of God, but we would abuse him any moment. The cause of the fight is superficially understood – as if it in only the responsibility of the old man! People seem to think that Jan Lokpal Bill magically would change everything overnight! That is such a distance from reality! For many it seems of another kind of entertaining event; something to get excited about; something to discuss.

Joining “India Against Corruption” movement is very easy. Give a ‘missed call’ (no expenditure for you), click a button on Facebook or Twitter and you belong to the movement. If you can come to Jantar Mantar or any other spot and join a Candle March- well and good. I did all this and understood the hollowness of it. I found that this was the easiest way of contributing, becoming a part of history making epoch. However experience has taught me that ‘to belong’ to some idea, to some cause is much more demanding. It is not an easy path. You cannot commit to a cause without giving your comforts, your luxuries. You cannot change the society without changing yourselves first. But here it was all very easy. It is not just a matter of participation but matter of life values. What values the crowds have when they support this movement?

If it turns out to be a real fight, will the numbers sustain? Will the enthusiasm remain? Would the unity be visible? (As it is there are obvious fractions in the movement!). The police force was alert but not harassing. If State decides to handle the situation with violent means (thankfully it did not happen this time); will the leadership be able to motivate people to resist in non-violent way? What if things don’t remain easy and long term battle is required? What if we have to really renounce, to give up something to contribute?

Time will answer these questions.

*********

This very crowd was in “One Day Maataram” mode few days ago. The shift from “One Day Maataram” to “Vande Maataram” is appallingly overwhelming. I feel joyous about it. I feel proud about it. I feel encouraged.

For a moment I leave those ugly moments behind, ignore them for a while. And I remember hundreds of inspiring moments. The “off camera” glimpses speak volumes about the strength, determination, commitment and courage of nameless and faceless citizens. What they need is trustworthy, honest and creative leadership. Will it happen?

Will the paradigm shift remain with us? Will the commitment infuse enthusiasm in us? Will the sense of duty and responsibility prevail? Will the sensitivity and responsiveness sustain? Though I am not blindly euphoric about it, the evenings at Jantar Mantar have certainly enhanced my optimism. I never believed in ‘India Shining’ propaganda. But I guess India is certainly awakening again. That is what evenings at Jantar Mantar promise me.

*

124. Journey

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 19; the nineteenth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

(1)

While reaching Delhi’s Indira Gandhi Airport Terminal No 3 to catch Pune flight, Abhijeet is stressed. He never has the right idea of when to start for airport; because he never understands how much time it will take for him to reach. After the formality of Security Check, when he enters the lounge, the flight delay announcement welcomes him!

However, Abhijeet has no option but to wait. He has a cup of coffee, finds an easy chair and with stretched legs opens the book gifted by Paromita. He is stunned by the line which is carefully marked by Paromita. It says, “Surely, this comes of wandering and ‘t is the curse of inquiring spirit!” It is definitely Paromita’s work; she has penciled two words, “attention here” – it is clearly her handwriting.

Abhijeet glances at the cover. The book is ‘Shaving of Shagpat’. The author is George Meredith. Abhijeet feels irritated and angry. But he also is surprised. Why has Paromita given him this particular book? Why she underlined these words? He browses the book for more such marks, but there are none. Is she accusing him of wandering? Or is she referring to her wandering? Does she expect stability in their relationship? What exactly does she mean? He is not sure.

Abhijeet closes the book and thinks about George Meredith’s statement.

By no means can Abhijeet be labeled as a wanderer – yes, he moves a lot, but that is with purpose, which is part of his job. Right from childhood, Abhijeet has always set himself clear goals to achieve. While entering from Primary to Secondary school, he aimed at getting admission to a school known for admitting only limited students with very high IQ; he had that. During the transition from school to college, he aimed to opt for Science stream (which meant a good score in the board examinations) and he did that. The next goal was to study in Indian Institute of Technology followed by Indian Institute of Management – which he did with flying colors. The luxury of the high profile job (with one of the World Mining Giant) he enjoys today is a cumulative effort of all the hard work he had put to achieve those goals.

However, Abhijeet always has been attracted towards wandering. The term ‘Wandering Monk’ to describe Swami Vivekananda’s travel caught his attention first when he was in school. A youth called Narendra Datta transformed into ‘Warrior Monk’ through the Wandering throughout the country was a miracle. Then he also has read about the Prince Gautama wandering and attaining ‘Bodhi’ – thus becoming ‘Buddha’. And who can forget that young monk traveling length and breadth of the country not once but four times and becoming one of the greatest teachers for humanity - Shankaracharya! All the three people walked, they did not have luxury travel, but they had glimpses of life, which one cannot have in the airline travel. And the Africa returned Barrister Mohandas Karmchand Gandhi traveling through the country by railway and becoming Father of the Nation!

In all these cases, the transformation seems to have come through wandering, through hardships, through interaction, through realization, through giving up comforts of life. All these people seem to have attained peace through wandering! They not only achieved peace, but achieved a purpose of life, they motivated others, and they in the process became ‘icon’ for millions! Then why is Meredith objecting to wandering? – Abhijeet thinks. “You are wrong, Mr. Meredith. The inquiring spirit always leads to peace and happiness. Only thing is you don’t know that.” Abhijeet says to himself.

Abhijeet of course knows that the wandering does not necessarily have to be physical. He has read enough of ancient Indian literature to understand the subtlety of wandering, the subtlety of journey. He remembers Nachiketa’s travel to the abode of Lord of Death (Kathopanishad). Abhijeet recalls Savitree’s travel with the Lord of Death. There is an interesting narration of Bhrigu, the son of Varuna making a wonderful journey to understand BRAHMAN. Bhrigu did not wander outwardly; he sat at one place but what an inward journey he made. The story interestingly says that when Bhrigu realizes that Bliss is Brahman, he does not come back to his Father. (Taittiriya Upnishad). Kenopanishad starts with the question ‘by whom’ (केन) and it describes journey of different Gods in the pursuit of Realization. None of these journeys are physical; mostly they are at a very subtle level. All these journeys end in peace, happiness, satisfaction, purpose.

(2)

Abhijeet comes out of his trance due to sudden mobile ring. For a moment he wishes that let it be Paromita. But it is Vinay.

“Bad news Abhi”, Vinay’s tone is very sad.
“What is it Vinay? Are you ok? Any problem?” dozens of questions flash through Abhijeet’s mind.

“Kale Sir passed away today morning. He was in the hospital for a week. He was wounded in one of the tribal protest marches. Couple of days ago, he was remembering you. He was talking about some promise you had given to him. I tried to call, but you must be traveling, I realized.” Vinay explains.

Abhijeet does not know what to react on this.

“What was that promise about?” – Vinay breaks the silence by asking awkwardly.
“Oh! Nothing of any consequence to Kale Sir anymore,” Abhijeet tries to cool down Vinay.

“You know Abhi, you killed Kale Sir,” Vinay’s accusation stings Abhijeet. His heart burns.
“But Vinay…” he tries to explain.
“You and your bloody Mining Company! We will not forgive you Abhi, we never will ….” Vinay disconnects abruptly.

Abhijeet blankly looks at the cell phone. For a moment he thinks of calling Mr. Bhattacharya – the Maharashtra Company in-charge. But only in the meeting last week, the Maharashtra team has presented ‘All clear, everything under control’ picture. Abhijeet sighs. His sudden interest in Mr. Kale the activist would raise eyebrows of the Management. He does not want any more accusing calls. He switches off the mobile.

(3)

Abhijeet feels like crying. He feels helpless, he feels lonely. Kale Sir was not very old, might be around 60. He was physically and mentally active. He was mentor to so many youngsters like Abhijeet and he was friend of tribal communities too. Abhijeet realizes that now when he reaches Pune, there would be no Kale Sir to meet, no more appreciation, no more advice, no more ideological discussion. He remembers Kale Sir’s politeness, his love, his concerns, the price he had paid for his values.

And yes, the promise! Abhijeet feels guilty when he remembers that discussion with Kale Sir. When did it happen? About five years ago. And Abhijeet has not met Kale Sir after that discussion. No doubt he is always busy, but for the first time Abhijeet realizes that he had purposely avoided Kale Sir for the last five years. He has hardly been in contact with his friend circle associated with Kale Sir. They invited Abhijeet for number of meetings and events, but Abhijeet never was free.

Abhijeet still remembers that Sunday. He was in the clouds after receiving the offer letter from the Mining Giant. He touched feet of Kale Sir and in a beaming voice told him, “Sir, Mission Accomplished.” Kale Sir smiled. However, when he heard the name of the Mining Company, his happiness vanished. He slowly walked back, sat in chair. In a moment he looked very weak, shattered to the core. Abhijeet wondered about the sudden change.

“Abhijeet you are intelligent. Now you are grown up, no more a boy, so you don’t need my advice,” Abhijeet was terrified with this statement of Kale Sir. Why was he not happy? If Kale Sir is not appreciating, does it mean that the choice was fundamentally wrong?

“No Sir, I always look forward to your advice. Is it wrong to accept this offer? But it has so much potential. Do you have some other ideas for me?” Abhijeet was again a 10 year old boy mesmerized by the goodness and wisdom and love Kale Sir showed to all his students.

Kale Sir slowly walked to his desk. He pulled a file from the drawers. He handed the file to Abhijeet. There were number of newspaper cuttings in the file. Abhijeet’s eyes moved from page to page. It was a disgusting news – news covering how poor people were forced into some action they did not want to participate, how the poor were exploited, how the police force and government machinery was ruthless to the tribal population. Abhijeet’s palms were sweating, his eyes became misty, and he could not read further. He looked at the offer letter in his hand – the same Company name appeared hundreds of times on those pages – as the ruthless Mining Company against poor! He looked helplessly at Kale Sir.

Kale Sir was thoughtful. He knew he could influence Abhijeet’s decision. However, he always had a belief in self –decision; he never liked to force people. Kale Sir knew by experience that a person taking decisions by his/her conscious choice is much more determined and inspired- than working under some kind of force, even moral force! Kale Sir also thought that a sensitive person like Abhijeet might be able to influence the policies of the Company – not to a great extent though Abhijeet was highly intelligent and had the tag of IIT and IIM – but even small changes would lead to big changes.

Kale Sir smiled. He came near Abhijeet, patted him on the back. He said, “Abhi, this is one of your life chance, so, I won’t ask you to give up, not before trying, not before exploring,” – Abhijeet heaved a sigh of relief when the meaning of the sentence reached him.

“However “Kale Sir continued, “I want a promise from you.”

“What is it Sir?” Abhijeet politely asked. If Kale Sir wants some donation for the organization he is involved in – he could manage that.

“Abhi, take your time. Try to establish yourself and I am sure you will do a good job. But after a certain time if you are convinced that the Company is working against the Poor – would you cease to be on the side of those who exploit? Would you walk off the comforts? Can you give me this promise?”

“Certainly Sir, It is my promise. I think one year is enough time to understand. I will come back to you after one year Sir,” Abhijeet promised.

Kale Sir smiled again. He added, “Abhi, realization has no timeframe – it happens in a moment. Be open to that moment of realization. Don’t shut down yourself because you have decided to take a specific path. There are always other roads and other journeys that one can choose and enjoy. Do not sell your soul to anyone - that is the promise I want from you.” Abhijeet nodded though he only partially understood what Kale Sir meant.

After a cup of tea Abhijeet walked out of that home never to return.

Abhijeet was away from the city for last 7-8 years and was not aware of the developments that had taken place around Kale Sir’s life. But he got it from Vinay, Nishant, Paromita and the gang - Kale Sir was involved in a mighty struggle with the Mining Company Abhijeet was going to work with. This made Abhijeet feel guilty for a while. But at the same time he decided that he will never discuss his relations with Kale Sir in the Company. Pune is big enough city to pretend that you don’t know someone you don’t want to know.

(4)

Initially Abhijeet was caught in a dilemma – every time he was in the ‘big’ meetings, the newspaper cuttings flashed in front of his eyes. But the Company always had 'other' stories. The CSR (Corporate Social Responsibility) head took the new recruits under his wing. They were showed the mobile health unit, the Anganwadi food program, the support for income generation activities by Self Help Groups of women, the training for the youth ….

Abhijeet was overwhelmed by the amount of good activities the Company was doing. The Company was spending billions of rupees annually for the affected areas. He noted that once he should invite Kale Sir and show him all that good work of Company. And there was a bigger question too – that of development. This country needs industrial development, it will make us self-reliant, it will boost economy, and it will create so many new jobs. Environment concerns? Never mind, we will plant millions of trees, we take all precautionary measures. Agricultural land? It was rain fed and the land was not very fertile. The Tribal, whose land is acquired in the area are being paid loads of money and they can live happily hereafter. And anyways, the tribal also do not want to stay in the forest, don’t they need better amenities? The argument was right too.

Slowly the routine overtook. The targets, the deadlines, the media campaign, the meetings with various government machineries, the work with local NGOs, briefing journalists… so much needed to be done. Company provided all the facilities – you name it and it was there. The Company campus was much more luxurious and comfortable than home! Abhijeet joined the game fully. He enjoyed evolving strategies to counter opposition. His marketing skills were asset to the Company – Abhijeet could sell any idea with his wit, charm, politeness, flexibility, knowledge - he could easily win people to his side.

Abhijeet went on the ladder fast. Now he could not return back to Kale Sir. He has met many people like Kale Sir and he was convinced that they are fighting a lost battle. Abhijeet wanted to be on the Winning Side. If at all he leaves this Mining Giant, he will go to another bigger Company, on a better package and designation.

(5)

This sudden news of Kale Sir’s death has shaken Abhijeet completely. Kale Sir was a middle class person staying in a city. What had he to do with Tribal communities? But Kale Sir had a tremendous sense of justice, human rights, equity. It was Kale Sir, with whom he had visited Tribal hamlets and understood what poverty means. It was with Kale Sir that he had understood ecological balance. It was with Kale Sir that Abhijeet learnt ill effects of Capitalism. It was with Kale Sir that he had experienced generous hospitality of the poor. It was while moving with Kalre Sir he had discovered that preliminary knowledge of Sanskrit helped him to understand many Indian languages.

What took him away from Kale Sir? When and why did he choose another path? When did their roads separate? What were his attractions? How could he forget the suffering millions ? How could he forget the oath taken on Sinhgadha to work for the society? How could he take himself away from his best friends like Vinay and Nishant? How could he find happiness in materialistic affluence? Why did not Kale Sir directly ask him ‘not to accept the job with this Company’? Why did Kale Sir not force him into the activities he was doing?

Abhijeet smiles to himself. He realizes that he is trying to put the blame on Kale Sir for no reason. It was Abhijeet’s choice and he can’t escape the price of his choice.

Abhijeet keeps on thinking. Flight is announced. Abhijeet boards. He feels alienated. What is he doing here? Does he need such a luxury in life – the cost of which is being paid by the poor? Can he still go back? Can he give up these comforts, name, fame, money? Is he ready to wander in search of a purpose? Is he ready to repay the debt of Kale Sir and of the society at large?

What about Aai –Baabaa? (Mother and Father) They would actually be happy if Abhijeet resigns from this Company. They have not been comfortable about it. Aai even once tried to convince him to give up the job. Baabaa never says anything but is hardly proud of Abhijeet’s achievement. They never use Abhijeet’s money. Till today Abhijeet never bothered about it – he labeled it as Generation Gap.

Abhijeet’s eyes again become misty. His parents, his Kale Sir, his friends.. everybody gave him the freedom to exercise his choice. He made a wrong choice, but they did not give up hope. He realizes that they all are waiting for him to come back, to explore another way of living. Abhijeet realizes that to be on the 'right side' is much more important than to be on the 'winning side'!

(6)

Abhijeet needs to take Parmonita into confidence. If she wants to move away from him, he will have to accept it. It is only 5.00 in the morning. Should he call Paromita now? No, it would be better to send a text message.

Abhijeet texts her: “Going on a new journey.”

To his utter surprise, Paromita replies “I am ready.”

Abhijeet wonders, why Paromita is awake at these early hours. Then he remembers that the death of Kale Sir must have shattered Paromita too. Did she expect this message from him? At this hour? Is she expecting this particular decision from him? He has never asked any question to Paromita but has assumed certain things. But he knows that assumptions and guesses can all go wrong.

Abhijeet texts again, “Submitting resignation today. Would meet Vinay and others at about 10.00. Usual place.”

Paromita texts back, “Glad to be with you.”

Paromita again. “Welcome back Abhi. I was looking forward to this moment. Will do this journey together and am all excited about it.”

Abhijeet knows that he does not have to say Bollywood hero style “I love you” to Paromita. He does not have to ask the stereotypical question of “I want to marry you, would you?” to her. This is the journey they have already decided through their golden silence.

Abhijeet feels very light. He regrets that he should have taken the decision earlier so that Kale Sir would have been delighted. But what is done can’t be un-done. The greatest tribute one needs to pay to the dead is through action.

He comes out of the room. The reddish Sun is glowing in the east. Birds are chirping. Breeze is cool. Sky is light blue. Trees are dancing. The road is empty. It is Peace, Silence and Bliss everywhere – outside as well as inside.

A journey has to be made; howsoever difficult it may sound. One cannot reach the destination without making a journey. One cannot have the purpose achieved without making a journey. Abhijeet is all ready for this exciting journey – back to his roots.

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123. Stranger

Vivek comes to my desk at about 1.30 in the afternoon.

“Did you have your lunch?” he asks.

As the canteen is always crowded till 1.45, I generally go for lunch at about 2.00 – though many times when I reach there, the canteen has no food to serve.

“Not yet, I am just going.” I answer.

Vivek is my new teammate. Actually to call anyone ‘teammate’ here is making mockery of the words ‘team’ and ‘mate’. Everyone here is like a self declared leader. ‘Divide and Rule’ is one of the most used Management Skills even in NGO sector. Managers are happy as long as their subordinates are not a good team. Managers always play games with teams so that everybody feels insecure and unnecessarily competitive. People foolishly fall in that trap. In a way subordinates deserve this treatment. So, Vivek and I, though working together are not really a team, in the sense I perceive a team!

“Come, let us go for lunch, I am hungry,” Vivek urges me.

Now I am in a bit of dilemma. Vivek is by no means my friend. He is at most my colleague. If we are traveling together for official work then eating together and chatting together happens – because there are no alternatives. But in my own city, to have lunch with someone like Vivek (and that too alone) is not a very comfortable idea.

However, I cannot say ‘no’ to what Vivek is suggesting.

I am hungry. The restaurant Vivek is suggesting serves delicious food – that is one temptation. Vivek is not a complete stranger to me. He is a decent man. So far, I have not observed anything objectionable about and in him. We are not friends, but we are not enemies also. Saying ‘no’ would be unreasonable.

“Come on, what are you thinking about? Now don’t waste time in opening your wallet, I have money enough, let us go,” Vivek is almost dragging me out.

I decide to go.

We walk. We talk – little bit of office gossip, little bit of personal stuff. I ask him questions about his first language – which I am trying to learn through internet (that sounds funny, I know!). He suggests me few books. We talk about weather. We talk about traffic.

The restaurant is crowded as usual. We wait. We get a table. We order. We eat. We chat. We walk back.

All this while, I have a very strange feeling.

It is not for the first time that I am eating with someone whom I do not know much. I am known for chatting with strangers, spending time with strangers, taking interest in life of strangers, showing affection towards strangers etc. Many of my friends are worried about my capacity to be close to strangers. They feel that by close conversations with strangers I open myself to unforeseen risks. But I have always enjoyed interactions with strangers.

Here is Vivek, who is not a complete stranger to me. We are together in various discussions, meetings, planning, review etc. But I am not relaxed as I usually am. I am feeling bit weird. Why?

I remember German Sociologist Georg Simmel’s writing on this concept called Stranger. (http://www.infoamerica.org/documentos_pdf/simmel01.pdf)

And I wonder. When do people become known and cease to be strangers? Is it like crossing a line? What does this ‘crossing line’ indicate and entail? How does it evolve? Does time play important role in this phenomenon?

While coming back I am thinking about many people, many places, and many ideas which were once very close to me, with whom I was completely comfortable – but now they have become strangers to me and I have become a stranger to them. When and why do people cease to be close and become strangers? Why the places lose their charm and make you a stranger in the midst of the crowd? The ideas for which once I used to work hard, are now alien to me and new ideas replace them.

I wonder again – What triggers this process? Is it more of an external (worldly) process? If you don’t spend life together or don’t spend enough time together then you automatically become strangers? Or it is more of an inner (psychological) process? I mean you realize that your ideas differ, your values differ, your attitude to life differs, your responses differ and then you move away and become strangers again? Why this change happens? Where does this lead us?

Sometimes I feel so strange about myself. I feel as if I do not know myself enough; I am not sure about myself. I keep on changing so much that I feel ‘loss of identity’ time and again.

I enjoy interacting with strangers. Continuous dependence on ‘outside stranger’ is not good – because every stranger becomes an acquaintance after a certain time. And a 'brand new stranger' and ‘once known but now stranger’ are strangers of highly different qualities. One does not enjoy ‘once well known but now strangers’ as much as ‘new strangers’.

So, I guess being and becoming a stranger to oneself is the only assured way of having fun in life!

122. Vacancy

People talk and their is a purpose.
People maintain silence and there is a purpose.
People tell a deliberate lie and there is a purpose.
People ignore and there is a purpose.
People turn their back and there is a purpose.
People get angry and there is a purpose.
People are honest and there is a purpose.
And so on....

People welcome you with lot of enthusiasm .. and many times this one act is without purpose.
It is as spontaneous as rest of the actions, but it is still different.
One can feel it.

I have been always amused at the way people respond.
It is not that a particular person responds or communicates in the same way for all the life.
People are different with different people.
Not only that, people are different at different times with the same people.
Situations change, relationships change, urge changes, comfort level changes.

I have been always amused at the way I get connected with people and the way I am disconnected. This happens without apparent reasons.
People come and go.
Today one is the highest priority and tomorrow the same could become a stranger and vice versa.

If one looks at all these connections with the perception of 'destination' one gets attached and the attachment brings both joy and pain. Both are extremes.
But the connection and disconnection can be very non-violent if one looks at it as a journey and not destination.
Journey brings moments of joy and pain too - but one knows that it is going to end after a stipulated time.


Life always creates new connections - which almost always are enriching.
The moment the learning from a particular connection is over, the next connection comes from nowhere.

The key is to keep the 'vacancy' in the mind and life intact.
So far, I have been able to do it.

Let me see, whether I can keep the vacancy forever.

121. Change

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton Season 2 edition 18; the eighteenth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

Is it a story? Is it reflection? Is it philosophy? Is it weirdness? Is it dream? Is it silliness?

I do not know.
I have a definite message to give you.

You have a choice to label my effort. And you have a choice to label me as you like. 

No, I am not a prophet. I am neither God nor Ghost. If I say I am not a human being, you will assume that I am Alien - which in a way is right but not completely right.

My message is brief.
All I want to say is: Be ready for Change.
It can happen at any moment.
It will happen with anyone of you and each one of you.

I am smiling.
Actually, I notice it because I am smiling after a long time.
I am smiling at myself, not at you. So I hope you won't mind.

To be honest, I had always thought that after this unavoidable change, I would be less confused.
However the confusion remains.
Only problem is:  I do not know whether now I am capable of a feeling called  'confusion'.
For that matter, I am not sure whether I am capable of feeling anything.

Even after this biggest change, I cannot communicate to you.. I can not reach out to you.
Everything else might have changed, but this 'not being able to reach out' remains intact.
But as I said, it no more hurts.

Ha! Ha! I am communicating this confusion of mine to you, I understand.

I do not remember what I felt when I entered this world.
Nothing inhuman in it, as nobody remembers.
Seers and Spiritual stalwarts have said something about that moment of 'being born' , but rationally speaking it is all speculation.
Imaginative. Creative. Right; but after all just speculation.
What the Seers say is probable, but one can not vouch for its truth.
Human beings have selective memory, they remember only what they want and can hide everything else under the carpet.
If something is not remembered, that does not mean that it was never lived. Life is much broader than memories.

Just like 'the moment of birth' Seers, Poets and Artists have expressed the moment of 'Death' in different ways.

But that too is just speculation.

Nobody knows what human beings think and feel when they die.There is no general knowledge (as all human beings cannot be thinking the same) and no one can know what an individual thinks!

People always ask about 'what did s/he speak last?' to understand what the person might be thinking while 'getting' (or is it 'being'?) dead.

But this is based on the assumption that the brain of the person on the deathbed is fully functional and there is also an assumption that brain is logical.

Nobody will ever know what the person thinks when the last moment arrives.

Why I am talking of life? As if it is some distant phase? As if it is my past?
That is because, for me everything has suddenly changed.
The burden is over.
The journey has ended finally.
I am feeling ('feeling' again! Words are meaningless sometimes!) light.
I am completely relaxed.

The old binding exists no more.
The old relations exist no more.
The old ways of responding exist no more.
The old dreams and expectations exist no more.
The old resistance exists no more.
The old fear exists no more.
The old me is not there at all.

There is no pain, though you might be still discussing my pain.
There is no opinion, though you might remember me for my strong opinions.
There are no likes and dislikes, though I confess that once I was very adamant about those.
There are no more associations, though you might have those in your memories - me and the places, me and the objects, me and the other people, me and you.
There is nothing to hold on, nothing to possess,  nothing to own, nothing to feel bad or good about.

I thought - meaning when I lived - that I would know when I leave this body for ever.
Now I have no body, I have no mind.I have no intellect.
No wonder that I cannot reach out to you.
Actually in your day to day language, I am dead.

Don't be scared, I am not a Ghost.
I do not exist except in your memories.
You can talk about Soul and Life after Death kind of stuff, but to be frank  your ideas and your language is irrelevant Here and Now.
Again the words I used 'Here and Now' are misleading - they suggest that I am in some kind of Space and Time Frame - which I am not.

Change happens in different ways. Creation, Growth, Reduction, Expansion, Contraction, Decay, Destruction, Turn Around .. are all different ways of Change.
However,  Transformation is a totally different kind of change - it is not logical and not just  biological.

I want to tell you something about this Transformation, but as I said earlier - I am not able to reach out to you.
There is no connection between us now.
There is no bridge.
I might be your memory, but you are not my memory, because I have no memory.
In the process of death, not only body vanishes, but the whole perspective changes.
It is a complete Transformation.

This Change can happen at any moment.
It is going to happen with each one of you.
It is one of the most certain changes.
However, it is one of the most unpredictable changes too.
This Change is constant though transient.

If you are well prepared (body, mind, perception etc.), this change does not hurt. There is no pain if one is well prepared.
I want to assure you that when the Transformation happens, it is not painful.
To use your language - Yes, as Lord Krishna told Arjuna - vaasaansi jeerNaani yathaa vihaaya - death is just like changing clothes.

Do not lament, do not grieve for me because I am dead.
Do not lament, do not grieve for me because I am not with you anymore.
Do not lament, do not grieve for me because some of my dreams were never fulfilled.
Do not lament, do not grieve for me because I could not share my last thoughts with you.
Do not lament, do not grieve for the things that were not communicated to me, that were not done for me .. becuase in the long run they do not matter at all.

Be ready for this Transformation, for this Change called DEATH.
Prepare yourself for this Transformation, for this Change.

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120. ‘Watch’ Man

Some experiences seem very trivial when they begin; but they generate many learning’s in the process. When I entered a Watch Show Room, I did not know that I was going to learn few lessons from a salesman on the counter. Because of the history associated with my wristwatch, I could look at the whole experience with a detached perspective and still enjoyed it.

In my childhood I was fascinated by wristwatch, simply because I did not have one. Sometime in the college days, I could purchase one with my own money (i.e. scholarship money) but I was forced to purchase a piece which I did not like. So, I hardly used it. And this experience took away all my temptation of wrist watches. I could always do without one.

Later, in Mumbai all my colleagues in the organization were concerned that I did not have a simple thing like a wristwatch! I was working as a Full Time Worker then and someone appealed (without my knowledge) to the General Secretary of the organization to arrange for a wristwatch for me! The General Secretary was very kind; he wrote me to purchase a wristwatch and added that I should not bother about the cost of the watch. Whatever was the cost; he ensured that no one would question me about that. He must have been sure that I won’t purchase a costly wristwatch. I smiled at that letter and chose to be without wristwatch. Actually, so many people around me had watches, and all the railway stations in Mumbai had big watches displaying time all the while, that I decided wristwatch was an unnecessary luxury in life.

One colleague gave me a wristwatch used by her late father. She told me that it was a sort of family treasure, and she was sharing with me because she treated me as part of her family. I have never been comfortable about this talk of ‘being part of someone’s family’ when one actually is not their family member. Moreover, using someone’s article without knowing him and after his death was something I was not comfortable with. So I kept the wristwatch in my bag. Fortunately this colleague was placed thousands of kilometers away from me. During those days phone calls and emails were not common – letters was the only way of communication. We used to meet once or twice in the semi annual meetings of the organization. Then she found that I was not using the watch but I could calm her down by saying ‘in the hurry of catching the train, I forgot it in the office and it was safe’. It was a lie – but I did it with the intention of not hurting her.

Then four of my friends – who were local volunteers of the organization I was working with – brought a Titan wristwatch for me. That was costly item in 1985s. None of them were rich – they were all middle class people. To respect their love for me, I started using that wristwatch. It always reminded me that there are many people in my life who love me selflessly – to accept their love was the least I could do, if not return their love.

This wristwatch was a good piece. For almost 15 years I used this. Then suddenly the wristwatch started acting in a funny way. It was running no doubt; but it was running the other way round –in an anti clock direction. After five, the clock went to four and then to three thirty etc. I thought the watch has worn out and there was no point in making it work further. It had served me enough and it deserved a well earned rest. So I went to a showroom, showed the earlier piece and told the salesman that I wanted to purchase ‘the same’(similar) piece anew.

Sunil said, “I will repair this watch. Why do you want to purchase a new one?”

I told him that the piece was very old and it had done its job and purchasing a new one was the right decision. Still he insisted on trying to repair the old piece. I was very surprised. I asked, “You will earn more benefit by selling a new piece rather than repairing this old one. Then why are you insisting on the latter?”

Sunil smiled. He said, “To sell watches is my job. However, that is not the only purpose of my being here. The number of watches sold does not make a sense unless the watches work well. Customer satisfaction and watch quality are also important. This piece should work alright; I am concerned why it is not working. If you wanted to purchase new piece, I would have sold you one. But you are purchasing new one because this is not working, is a matter of concern for me.”

As promised, Sunil repaired this watch. It worked well for almost six months. One morning it fell down from the table and stopped working.

I went to the same shop and met Sunil again. “Now, this time I need to purchase a new watch”, I told Sunil smilingly. However Sunil was concerned. He said, “I had repaired that watch with utmost care. It should not stop working just because it fell down from the table. Let me see, what I can do”. I was not ready for repair. I was ready to keep that piece as souvenir –as fond memory of my friends’ love. Sunil said, “You have one year warrantee on the watch repair you did last time. You don’t have to pay anything this time for the repairs. Trust me; don’t hurry in for new purchase.” By this time, I had shared the watch story with Sunil and so he naturally wanted me to use the same watch as long as I could.

Sunil repaired that wristwatch again. It worked well for another year. Then there was theft in my home and the wristwatch was also stolen. One of those four friends who had given me this watch, passed away in the mean time.

I lost the wristwatch .. alright! But I learnt a lot from Sunil. Here is a ‘watchman’ who believes that his work should be perfect. He is a kind of person who does not compromise with quality while achieving his target. Here is a man who takes responsibility of faults and takes corrective actions proactively. Here is a man who values work for the beauty of work and cares that the person at the other end should be satisfied.

There are so many simple people around who have such a grand work ethics that I feel like saluting them. They are the ones who make this world worth living.

Watching Sunil and watching my responses to his action was fun. Though I do not use wristwatch today, I am sure that I would like to have one to meet Sunil again! Maybe, during my next trip to Pune, would just go and meet Sunil .. I am sure; he would "allow" me to purchase a new piece this time! Though I am not yet convinced that I need a wristwatch!!

**

119. Being a Hindu

“Are you Hindu?” he asked me.

I was bending down to tie up shoe lace. Still I managed to look at him in an instant (without breaking my neck, that is.)

No, he was not mischievous. Nor was he teasing me. He looked very serious.

Actually, just a nod from me would have settled the matter.

But as it always happens with me, it triggered a chain of long hidden thoughts.

I was with a group of total strangers. We all had joined together one Sunday afternoon with a group named ‘Delhi Metro Walks’. The idea was to explore Old Delhi that evening and taste typical Delhi food. We were walking, eating, chatting for last few hours. We were a group of just 9, and more than half of them were obviously non Indians.

On the way, we came across a Jain temple. Some were not interested but I went in. It was not an ancient temple as such and I was disappointed with it.

While coming out, I was thinking about ‘Role of Temples’ and suddenly this question was thrown at me.

And this young man, non Hindu, non Indian asked me this particular question.

I am rather stubborn about certain things. One of that is ‘not allowing people to recognize my religion from any external signs’. For long, strangers have assumed me to be anything but Hindu. So, when this man asked me this question, I was really surprised.

“I was born and brought up in a Hindu family”, I answered honestly.

Now it was his (and others’) turn to be amazed.

“What do you mean? Have you changed your religion?” he asked.

“Oh, no, that is not the case,” I said, though my ideas about Religion are still evolving.

From casual conversation, the discussion was fast turning to be very personal.

“Being Hindu is very easy”, I was thinking aloud.

What is the essence of Hinduism?

For that matter, what is the essence of any religion?

Philosophy, Ritual and Social Rules are the three major aspects of religion.

Now the social code has been replaced by Law. So, no question of following religious rules.

Ritual I have hardly ever followed. That has not stopped me from being a Hindu.

And Philosophies – there are so many, I like many of those. I like Charvaka and Shankaracharya, Gautama the Buddha and Ramanujacharya, Kapila and Patanjali; Shrikrishna and Ramkrishna Paramhamsa, Tukaram and Kabir, Aurobindo and J Krishnmurty .. the list is unending. I can criticise any one of them and every one of them and still I can be a Hindu.

Hindu philosophy in a way is a big 'HoldAll' and I like it that way!

Some say: Rebirth, Law of Karma, Liberation are the basic tenets of Hinduism. I don’t think I believe in any of those seriously. Intellectually I can argue about it and write articles .. but they do not constitute my core values of life.

Still I am 'a' Hindu – because I am born and brought up in a Hindu family and I have not converted to any other religion.

You can do anything, you can do nothing, you can criticise, you can rebel....but still the Hinduness remains intact.

That is the beauty of ‘Being a Hindu’.